Lion of the Blogosphere

Another death by cow

Reported in the Telegraph:

Joao Maria de Souza, 45, had been in bed with his wife Leni when the animal fell through the ceiling of their home in Caratinga, southeast Brazil.

The cow is believed to have escaped from a nearby farm and climbed onto the roof of the couple’s house, which backs onto a steep hill on Wednesday night.

And in other news:

A cow that wandered onto Interstate 40 in West Tennessee may have caused a car crash that killed four people.

Also this month:

Arkansas City police say an Oklahoma man died while working inside a cattle pen at Creekstone Farms.

Police say Gates was inside the cattle pen trying to move cattle when he was knocked down and injured by other cattle. An autopsy will determine his cause of death.

All these deaths occurred just this month. Beware of cows.

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

July 26, 2013 at 3:25 PM

Posted in Death by cow

31 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Wow! While on a bike ride last weekend, a group of us came across a cow that had escaped its confines. It even chased one of my friends. I realize now, I should have been more scared.. Beware of Bovine Bloodlust!


    July 26, 2013 at 5:04 PM

  2. We have to ban cows..they are a clear and present danger to the public. And think about all those innocent children, growing up without a father figure, because he committed a felony possession, of a cow. The war on cow causes children to go fatherless and breaks apart families. The National Livestocks Producers Association (NLPA) cartel and rival American Dairy Association (ADA) traffics cows across state lines with impunity, overstretched USDA agents cannot determine just the amount that gets traffics, but the figures aren’t encouraging, the cow seizures continue to grow in these porous dairy state borders and are mix with other livestock shipments. Should we built more fences? High tech walls, electrified fences are little deterrent, the shipments simply move to another region along the border. Meanwhile, congress are caught in partisan gridlock over funding, but the flow continues unabated, Americans are rightly skeptical about the never ending war on cows.

    Reporting from the Nemexibraska-IOwaUnited border…..

    NRP Correspondent Carlos Danger XD.

    Next week..tune in for..

    horizontally challenged breast syndrome, an emerging epidemic amongst AAPI women.


    July 26, 2013 at 6:15 PM

  3. Any chance of this death in NYC?


    July 26, 2013 at 6:35 PM

  4. Troy: Gettin hungry Jimmy?
    Jimmy: Uhh, Mr. McClure? I have a crazy friend who says its wrong
    to eat meat. Is he crazy?
    Troy: Nooo, just ignorant. You see your crazy friend never heard
    of “The Food Chain”. [Flash to a picture of “Food Chain”,
    with all animals and arrows pointing to a silhouette of a
    human.] Just ask this scientician.
    Scientician: [Looking up from a microscope.] Uhhh…
    Troy: He’ll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably
    eats another creature to survive.
    [Images of various wild carnivores attacking and eating
    others appear.]
    Don’t kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance,
    he’d eat you and everyone you care about! [Image of a cow
    quietly chewing cud.]
    Jimmy: Wow, Mr. McClure. I was a grade A moron to ever question
    eating meat.
    Troy: [Laughs.] Yes you were Jimmy, yes you were. [Briskly rubs
    his hand on Jimmy’s head.]
    Jimmy: [Timid] Uhh…you’re hurting me.

    Vince, the Lionhearted

    July 26, 2013 at 7:21 PM

    • RIP Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz

      Fun Fact: Troy McClure was named for Troy Donahue and Doug McClure.

      Troy Donahue was married to Suzanne Pleshette, who played Bob Newhart’s first TV wife. He was also immortalized in the song “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee”.

      Doug McClure was in The Virginian and the syndicated sitcom Out of This World.


      July 30, 2013 at 5:03 PM

  5. I wonder, did the guys translating the bible from Greek to English screw up and write about the four horsemen instead of the four cows? Perhaps this is a sign of the coming apocalypse….

    High Prole & Proud

    July 26, 2013 at 7:38 PM

    • Maybe you’re joking but an increase in animal attacks is considered to be a sign of the end times. The rider of the pale horse is given power to kill with “the beasts of the earth.” (rev 6:8)


      July 27, 2013 at 3:02 PM

  6. Being trampled by horses was a common way for children to die way back when.


    July 26, 2013 at 7:55 PM

    • Do you have a fascination with death by animals?


      July 27, 2013 at 11:10 PM

  7. My old boss survived an ultra-marathon only to be trampled by a cow mere feet from the finish line.

    True story.

    anon anon

    July 26, 2013 at 8:11 PM

  8. OT, a liberal finally finds a form of cheap labor he doesn’t support – Free labor that threatens his own job:

    Unfortunately for everyone else in academia, their fame will likely come at a very steep price. From an administrative standpoint, the beauty of MOOCs is that they provide an easy opportunity to drastically cut labor costs by firing existing faculty members or simply hiring poorly trained ones—whom they won’t have to pay well—to help administer the class. After all, this way of thinking goes, why should I hire a new Ph.D. when I can get the best professors in the world piped into my university’s classrooms?


    Talking about access to higher education allows MOOC providers like Coursera to avoid discussing the effect their services will have on people who work in higher education now. Professors, believe it or not, are people, too. They have families and health problems and student loans of their own. Moreover, three-quarters of American college instructors work on a contingent basis, for a median income of $2,700 per course, often without benefits of any kind. Since these faculty members also have no chance at tenure, these adjunct faculty members would be by far the easiest professors to replace with MOOCs.


    While providing a free education to the world is a noble thought, there’s very little money in it. The MOOC providers’ profits, if they ever appear, will come from creating replacements for existing college classes. I think it’s time for us non-superprofessors to forcefully explain to our newly famous colleagues how their MOOCs are already adversely affecting the terms and conditions of our employment, and are likely to do so even more in the future. The San Jose State University philosophy department has already offered up an extraordinary example of how this might be done in an open letter to the Harvard superprofessor Michael Sandel. The rest of us have much more similar work to do.

    The Undiscovered Jew

    July 26, 2013 at 8:47 PM

    • Liberals assholes being hurt by their own destructive policies? Good, fuck ’em.


      July 27, 2013 at 12:02 PM

      • That’s what I was thinking. And, besides, there’s a professor shortage. We need MOOCS to do the jobs American professors won’t. 🙂


        July 27, 2013 at 5:32 PM

  9. Another death by cow

    Once again, the Lion deals with the major issues using his deft hand.

    Joao Maria de Souza, 45, had been in bed with his wife Leni when the animal fell through the ceiling of their home in Caratinga,

    Only a PROLE allows a cow to wander onto their short roof. Elites have high roofs that are too tall for cows.

    Beware of cows.

    It’s almost as if Lion is trolling…

    The Undiscovered Jew

    July 26, 2013 at 8:56 PM

    • “Once again, the Lion deals with the major issues using his deft hand.”

      What do you expect? He’s cheating on us with instagram.


      July 27, 2013 at 8:14 AM

      • He’s cheating on us with instagram.

        Islandmommy feels jilted.

        The Undiscovered Jew

        July 27, 2013 at 7:14 PM

  10. Tremetol poisoning should not go without mention in a death-by-cow post.


    July 26, 2013 at 9:37 PM

  11. Lion is trolling us, and the commenters are trolling Lion. Almost nothing that is said here is sincere, it seems. After all, being sincere is so middle-class striver. The upper class sociopaths fake sincerity and watch the middle class strivers dance while believing it to be sincere. lol


    July 27, 2013 at 12:46 AM

  12. You’re the lion here, do something about it.


    July 27, 2013 at 1:12 AM

    • He’s the Lion of Judah. You gotta be a Yid to get help.

      Izzy Reale

      July 27, 2013 at 6:17 PM

  13. Last words: “Turn up the heating, I’m Friesian to death in here!”

    Baby, we were born to pun

    July 27, 2013 at 2:38 PM

  14. Don’t have a cow man.


    July 27, 2013 at 9:08 PM

  15. How much longer are you going to milk this story?

    Mark Caplan

    July 27, 2013 at 10:30 PM

  16. Again only proles die like this. So the morale of this story is go to hyps and buy a huge mcmansion to stay away from cows.


    July 28, 2013 at 1:01 AM

  17. Reminds me of an Amish tragedy from my home county. During milking time, an Amish toddler is found squashed by a cow. We can never know of the salvageability of this toddler, but the odds are worse when the family has no phone, and the father runs one mile to the nearest farmer with a phone to summon EMS.


    July 29, 2013 at 1:56 PM

  18. […] modest Lion of the Blogosphere tirelessly works to alert the citizenry to the threat of death by cow, but there is another evil that lurks our nation’s parks and quiet retreats: death by […]

  19. Gary Larson was right!


    August 5, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: