Lion of the Blogosphere

The year without Hanukkah

Even when the Jewish calendar is more cooperative, Hanukkah can adequately be described as a “sad wannabe Christmas” (to quote Allison Benedikt), but when the first night of Hannukah is the day before Thanksgiving, it’s like the whole holiday is pointless.

So while the year without Christmas was just a bad Claymation movie from the 1970s, for little Jewish boys and girls, the year without Hanukkah is a reality.

* * *

Actually, if that was the movie with the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser, then it was the best Christmas movie ever.

The movie with the Island of Lost Toys was second best ever.

The only Hanukkah movie I have ever seen is the Hebrew Hammer, a parody, which demonstrates once and again that Jews are unable to make a sincere Hanukkah movie because they have such a negative opinion of the sad wannabe holiday.

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

November 26, 2013 at EDT am

Posted in Religion

33 Responses

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  1. Give it some time; eventually someone will realize that a movie about a bunch of Jews putting some Greeks to the sword translates well to the big screen. Especially if the fascists take over in Greece.

    Jefferson

    November 26, 2013 at EDT am

    • @Jefferson. Mel Gibson wanted to make this movie for a long time, but then he got into a little but of trouble with his financiers.

      Rotten

      November 26, 2013 at EDT am

      • What does Mel Gibson need financiers for? Didn’t he self-finance The Passion of The Christ, which made a fortune?

        Dave Pinsen

        November 30, 2013 at EDT am

  2. The Miser brothers were in ‘The Year without a Santa Claus’.

    Big Dubya

    November 26, 2013 at EDT am

    • Is that the one with the song classic “Put one foot in front of the other”?

      WmarkW

      November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

  3. Hanukkh is a sad wannabe holiday.

    It’s one thing to celebrate a military victory where one days ration of oil lasted for two weeks, but the modern western rituals of the holiday have no resemblance to this and are all Xmas ripoff. It’s like Jewish people saw Christians the throwing fun parties and repurposed the closest celebration on the calendar into a competing holiday, so that Jewish people wouldn’t be tempted to join the other people having fun.

    Exclusive parties are fun, but the very best non exclusive parties are always better.

    The last Hanukkah movie I saw was 8 crazy nights, which was terrible. I liked the Hewbrew Hammer.

    The best thing Jewish people could do right now is to realize that modern day Christmas has nothing to do with the Christian holiday, and so they should adopt Xmas as their own Jewish holiday. After all Jews wrote pretty much all the music you hear at the mall, wrote most of the stories, created most of the mythology (Rudolph, the grinch, many of the Santa stories etc).

    Rotten

    November 26, 2013 at EDT am

    • I kind of agree with this. Christians borrowed much of the celebrations and even the dates from the pagans, and why? They didn’t want to miss out on the party. Same thing for Jews now. Instead of glumly going to eat Chinese on Christmas day, dig up something in Jewish history that happened December 25th, Give it a Jewish holiday name, and join the party.

      And hurry up before the Muslims learn to take stuff to court and get the holiday banned once and for all and ruin everyone’s party.

      Mike

      November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

      • The fatwa on Christmas? Given how they have the balls to demand muslim holidays off (even in places where there are more Jews than Muslims), wouldn’t put it past them. The secular progressives will decide to just celebrate Winter Soltice, throw their orgies, and mock middle America while it burns.

        Monroe Ficus

        November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

      • Don’t the Muslims consider Jesus a prophet? That they are against Christmas despite that seems like just an example of cultural hostility. Something they have in common with the atheist Jews who buy the obnoxious billboards around Christmastime. The Orthodox Jews don’t seem to have a problem with Christians celebrating Christmas.

        Dave Pinsen

        November 27, 2013 at EDT am

    • I am enjoying it.

      How will the media justify the “Happy Holidays”? But of course the war on Christmas has to continue so buy stock in news stories about Festivus.

      Lion of the Turambar

      November 27, 2013 at EDT am

  4. Island of Misfit Toys is from Rudolph. It’s too bad CGI has replaced clay and hand animation. As far as hanukkah movies, Masada with Peter O’Toole, while not technically about hanukkah, is one of the most brilliant pieces of film ever made and is more or less on the same theme. Barbara Carrera who plays O’Toole’s mistress is one of the most beautiful actresses of all time, at least in my non-male opinion.

    toomanyspiders

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

  5. Why can’t Jews celebrate Christmas like everyone else? Alternatively, Jews could use the normal static calendar instead of a variable calender in which holidays move around erratically.

    radicaldesi

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

  6. “Jews are unable to make a sincere Hanukkah movie because they have such a negative opinion of the sad wannabe holiday.”

    Well, it is a a wannabe holiday. But it’s nice for Jewish kids to get presents and sort of be part of the holidays.

    Many liberal Jews have a negative (or embarrassed) opinion of Judaism the religion and it’s conservative family based values. At best they see it as sort of funny and kitschy. At worst, they’re out marching wearing a keffiyeh at a pro-PLO event.

    I will say that organized Judaism in America is basically ridiculous and often is too often a liberal pulpit. Shtetl style black hats and droning no-nothing rabbis. The Coen Bros. nailed it in “A Serious Man.”

    fakeemail

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

  7. Actually, if that was the movie with the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser, then it was the best Christmas movie ever.

    The movie with the Island of Lost Toys was second best ever.

    In other words two “Christmas” movies that have nothing to do with Christianity.

    Or anywhere near the Middle East for that matter.

    Rifleman

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

    • Well, Rudolph could be viewed as the stone the builders rejected becoming the chief cornerstone (Mt 21:42). I don’t know anything about the other movie.

      toomanyspiders

      November 29, 2013 at EDT am

  8. Jews outside of New York with small children in the family seem to celebrate both. They also have a good chance at having a christian-origin spouse or half-christian nieces and nephews from siblings with christian spouses. In that case, when you go visit your sister’s house and watch little billy open up 30 presents under the tree, are you really going to deny your little david the same joy as his cousin? Do you tell him Santa doesn’t exist, or just that he doesn’t give presents to jews?

    Now if you’re ultra-orthodox, the fact your family is on foodstamps and you have wear silly cloths and compete with 6 siblings means no holiday is going to be that fun.

    Tile

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

  9. The obviously solution is to celebrate Santa Christmas and not Jesus Christmas. Most gentiles already do. What do presents, reindeer, holly, mistletoe, Santa, and trees have to do with Jesus? Basically nothing. Modern Santa was created by the Coca Cola company and is more based on Odin of European myth than the historical Saint Nicolas.

    Why punish yourself by celebrating an inferior holiday? I celebrate Chinese new year and Cinco de Mayo because they are awesome. Jews should just get over the Jesus part of Christmas that hardly anybody even bothers with.

    Macho

    November 26, 2013 at EDT pm

    • Christmas in America is a very much a “White” holiday. It’s a holiday that shows “White” Christian solidarity, where every White gentile celebrates it in one form or the other. Liberals wants to remind everybody how racist and exclusive Christmas is, and the holiday needs to be watered down into a raw commercial event where NAMs, Asians and Jews could be part of it by spending money on frivolous gifts and overeating.

      JS

      November 28, 2013 at EDT am

  10. It is so much more simple in Israel, it is the only place you can be a secular Jew without too many complications, it is just the natural state of existence.

    Hashed

    November 27, 2013 at EDT am

  11. Jews need a holiday shortly *after* Christmas, so they can pick up presents and stuff at the after-Christmas sales, like the Greek Orthodox do. It would be better if it were on or before January 2, so that kids will have their presents by the time they see their classmates again.

    Anthony

    November 27, 2013 at EDT pm

    • Geesh, you are comparing Jews with the Greek Orthodox in Christmas terms. Greeks celebrate Christmas and Jews don’t. Gift giving in the “Christmas” sense wasn’t a Hanukkah tradition until recently, as Jews didn’t want to feel left out while their gentile friends/neighbors were celebrating Christmas, lavishly by giving and receiving gifts. Hanukkah seems to be a sad holiday, sadistic in some sense, but never happy as in the birth of a Jesus messiah

      JS

      November 28, 2013 at EDT am

    • The Greek Orthodox are new calendarists (except a handful of breakaway congregations, like St. Irene’s in Astoria) and celebrate Christmas Dec 25. Some other Orthodox churches, like the ROC, still follow the historic Julian calendar. You might be thinking of Easter, which moves year to year even for new calendarists.

      As far as a post-Christmas holiday Jews could latch onto, there’s always three kings day.

      toomanyspiders

      November 29, 2013 at EDT am

  12. Off topic, but I thought you’d be interested in this.

    Apparently, you can tell how smart someone is just by looking at them. Though this study is far less than perfect (small sample of only 40 of each sex, from a standard psych population — Czech college students, and restriction of range for IQ from only 85-160 with a mean of 125), it is still interesting:

    http://web.natur.cuni.cz/flegr/pdf/iq_perc.pdf

    JayMan

    December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

    • Yep, I already know that I can estimate IQ just by looking at people, it’s good that there’s a study to back me up.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

      • In that study, perceived intelligence correlates with attractiveness. Asians are “supposedly” smarter than Caucasians on average, yet they are generally rated as less facially attractive. Blacks with their stereotypical facial features on the other hand, generally fit the mode as being less intelligent and are facially unattractive. Shorter nose and more rounder features are hallmarks of black facial types. The conclusion is that the smartest and thus the most attractive individuals are usually White (usually gentile and not Jewish).

        JS

        December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

      • Jews aren’t attractive?

        I bet that of the 100 best-looking men in Hollywood, more than 2 of them are Jewish: http://www.imdb.com/list/je6D4s6gWNI/

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

      • Hollywood actors whom I could think of, whose facial types that would fit the high intelligence and attractiveness correlation found in the study are Robert Patrick (the guy who play T-1000 in Terminator 2), Clint Eastwood in his youth, and Peter Cushing (the guy behind the Death Star in Star Wars). Guys with narrow faces and a sharp perceptive gaze.

        Here’s a handsome NYC bobo who’s married to Ivanka Trump. He’s Jewish, but I believe he isn’t full blooded, just as James Franco and Michael Douglas aren’t full blooded Jewish, both who have 1/2 gentile ancestry.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jared_Kushner

        Most full blooded Jews usually aren’t attractive. Those handsome “Jewish” actors in Hollywood are usually 1/2 Jewish at most.

        JS

        December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

      • Prole Jews in Brooklyn are ugly, but prole gentile whites in Brooklyn are ALSO ugly.

        Good looking people are from the upper classes, who also aren’t religious.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        December 1, 2013 at EDT pm

      • “Good looking people are from the upper classes, who also aren’t religious”.

        There are many good looking middle class folks as well. I find a lot of rich people ugly, just like the proles, but unattractive in a different way.

        JS

        December 2, 2013 at EDT pm

  13. Imagine if American whites had self-pride, enough balls to invent a holiday in honor of the FAILURE of the foreigners to conquer the USA during the War of 1812.

    Well, we Israelis do have such a holiday. It is Hanukkah. “Festival”, really, because it is not a day off of work.

    Hymie in Afula

    December 2, 2013 at EDT am

    • honor of the FAILURE of the foreigners to conquer the USA during the War of 1812.

      1812 was America’s failure to annex Canada. There’s nothing for us to celebrate.

      The Undiscovered Jew

      December 2, 2013 at EDT pm

    • Jews don’t really have happy holidays. Hanukkah celebrates a violent triumph over the Greeks.

      JS

      December 2, 2013 at EDT pm


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