Lion of the Blogosphere

Unhitched in the NY Times

Read this “Unhitched” column.

The column manages to avoid stating the obvious even though it documents it. Their marriage fell apart because she made a lot more money than he did. She became a neurologist, a high-paying medical specialty which probably paid her a salary well over $200K per year and possibly more than $300K per year. His career completely failed to launch.

Women are very good at spending their husbands’ money, but they lose all respect for any man who needs her financial support. At least upper-middle-class white women are like that. Black women are much more feminist than white women; they often support their unemployed husbands.

He wasn’t alpha enough to please a woman who earned a lot more money. “He proposed, though he hadn’t given it much thought, because he was afraid of losing her.” That sounds like very beta reason to propose to a woman.

Apparently he was so embarrassed about his lack of financial contribution to the marriage that he agreed to keep their finances separate and private, he racked up $30,000 of credit card debt trying to keep up with his wife (which was really her debt as well because they were married), and when they got divorced he foolishly did not press for the palimony he was probably entitled to under New York law.

I think the story is sad because they loved each other and got along very well before she started making a lot of money.

* * *

I apologize for having to disagree with this reader comment:

Ah yes, one of those “I’m the DREAMER. She’s the PRACTICAL ONE” marriages.

This is a perfect example of how brides are led astray by our cultural notions of which displays of solvency are “cool” and which are taboo. His debt binge and lack of net worth likely predated the marriage, yet in America we are expected to look at people’s CONSUMPTION as a proxy for solvency, while discussing assets and income makes you look creepy.

I don’t think that’s what happened.

I think that before they got married, when she was a medical student, they were both in a comparable financial situation and therefore money wasn’t much of an issue.

It’s notable that they got married when she was 33, which would be the age when I suspect that she was still a resident but about to transition into making serious money. He asked her to marry her “because he was afraid of losing her” but the reason he was afraid was because he knew that her earnings were shortly going to outstrip his.

I suspect that he began getting into a debt situation after they got married, because they maintained independent bank accounts and finances, and after the marriage their spending increased because her income and expectations for spending increased a lot, and they had a child, and don’t forget they lived in Manhattan the most expensive place to live in the United States.

$30,000 isn’t really a lot of money under those circumstances. It was probably accumulated over a few years because he was embarrassed or ashamed to tell his wife that he needed to spend her money. Credit card debt can easily snowball because of the high interest rates, which means that each month an increasing percentage of his income went to paying interest on his debt and then he needed to increasingly rely on increasing his debt in order to maintain his spending.

He didn’t spend any money that they, as a married couple, couldn’t afford. There’s no indication that she had any problem paying off his debt. The problem was psychological. She lost all sexual attraction for a man who couldn’t pay his own way.

Had their situations been reversed, he the successful neurologist and she the self-actualizing but low-paid wife, there wouldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary with the wife spending his money. They would have had joint banking/checking/credit card accounts and she would have just spent it.

Also, don’t assume he was a complete financial loser. He may very well have been making around $50,000/year which is the median income for a middle-aged man, but being merely middle-class doesn’t cut it in Manhattan when your wife makes five times as much money, and he would have been saddled with her higher federal tax rate plus New York state/city taxes on top of that.

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

January 7, 2016 at 7:53 am

Posted in Males and Females

66 Responses

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  1. Money changes everything.

    Because of medical school, I hadn’t had time for a wild youth…“I can’t imagine having had any more fun than we had at the beginning. I don’t have regrets. I’m really glad I took the plunge, I’m glad for the baby and at least I tried,” Cynthia said.

    She sounds like a flake.

    “When the romantic and sexual haze goes away – and it always does – marriage becomes a project that takes rigorous honesty.” (Alec)

    He sounds more sensible.


    January 7, 2016 at 8:53 am

    • She needs to rationalize the fact that a man with a lot less money stopped being sexually exciting.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 9:00 am

”Age when married He: 29, She: 33.

        Hugggggeee mistake. She must be in her early 50s now…who is she going to date? Sounds like Alec comes out the winner here.


        January 7, 2016 at 9:46 am

  2. Marrying the musician/artist/writer/etc is always a bad bet for the ladies. My cousin is being supported by his wife, he’s a writer/grant writer and she makes the money, it’s a bad situation. Sandra Tsing Loh has written a lot about divorcing her musician husband, who would travel an hour to make $50 from a music lesson, a total pittance to her, big radio star.


    January 7, 2016 at 9:14 am

    • I had a (female) classmate in medical school who married a musician. I sometimes wonder how they’re doing. It’s sad, funny, interesting, that I’ve been out of school long enough now that I’m starting to see the discontent creeping into some of these marriages where the lady M.D. married a guy with a “lesser” career.


      January 7, 2016 at 9:47 am

  3. Ah yes, one of those “I’m the DREAMER. She’s the PRACTICAL ONE” marriages.

    This is a perfect example of how brides are led astray by our cultural notions of which displays of solvency are “cool” and which are taboo. His debt binge and lack of net worth likely predated the marriage, yet in America we are expected to look at people’s CONSUMPTION as a proxy for solvency, while discussing assets and income makes you look creepy.


    January 7, 2016 at 9:20 am

    • You make some great points that are often true. But Leon is probably right in this particular situation.


      January 7, 2016 at 12:42 pm

  4. they never shared finances or disclosed their earnings to each other

    I really can’t fathom this.

    For a while, Cynthia went out clubbing, barhopping and dancing with friends. “Because of medical school, I hadn’t had time for a wild youth,” she said.

    I love the understatement and suggestion in this line.


    January 7, 2016 at 9:42 am

    • In other words, she said: “There’s a carousel out there, and I’m gonna ride it good and hard while I still can.” I didn’t read the article, but she pretty obviously was fooling around on her husband if she’s going out “clubbing, barhopping and dancing with friends.”


      January 7, 2016 at 10:37 am

      • Eh, false Manosphere post-hoc explanation again. This women was in her 40s when she divorced…can’t imagine she was capturing all the attention while going out.


        January 7, 2016 at 2:05 pm

  5. While I’m strongly against careerism among women, favoring instead a society that strongly pressures women into marriage and families instead (including allowing businesses to discriminate in favor of men in hiring), this guy at some point needed to give up the music fantasy and find another way to provide.

    Andrew E.

    January 7, 2016 at 9:45 am

    • People are told these days to follow your dreams, not provide for your family.

      Mike Street Station

      January 7, 2016 at 10:49 am

      • If you look at the Natal Chart for Meriprolestan, it’s planet Neptune, which represents dreams and ideologies is in its fallen position of Virgo, a sign of pragmatism and conservatism. This is a complete opposite of Neptune, which represents dreamy Pisces. Hence, the problem with our country’s lack of honesty about our ultimate vision as a nation. The problems of doing things you love (self actualization) in a country which believes only in capitalism, that exploits and profits from the average man. Students studying English literature in college while taking a heavy debt is a great example of this malaise.


        January 7, 2016 at 1:41 pm

      • @JS


        A horoscope for America, er I mean meriprolistan…

        Very interesting.

        Please more.

        Thin-Skinned Masta-Beta

        January 7, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      • Neptune (which represents dreamy Pisces) in astrology is a difficult planet for anyone’s birth chart, because it represents desires and ideas. Most Desires/Dreams/ideologies are vast, not grounded, and unfulfilled. To have Neptune placed in the sign of Virgo, which represents conservatism, pragmatic endeavors and realism, would be a complete opposite and a cancelling effect, and I presume this would be a fall position or the worst planet position for Neptune to be placed in. Observe Meriprolestan’s values (dreams of equality for all) and how they conflict with our realistic/ruthless nature of capitalism (to make large sums of money, eliminate competing rivals and acquiring material goods). Or better yet, Neptune represents vastness, almost an inclusion of everything and Virgo represents nitpicking and exclusion with detail. Furthermore, Meriprolestan’s Neptune in Virgo placement is squared off with Mars in Gemini (fighting with words and logic). This only can mean Meriprolestan’s conflicting values are being challenged by its critics perpetually.

        America was a failure from the get go!


        January 9, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    • I agree in regards to your points on the guy. It seems he didn’t want to grow up or face facts. According to the article, he not “successful”, “messy”, had poor choice in food and embarrassed enough about his earnings that he took on credit card debt.

      Though the article says “they worked tirelessly for musical success”, I can’t imagine a young person studying in medical school and working in a hospital would seriously have considered music a viable career option. In my opinion, she did it for fun and to spend time together while he pretended it was something important.

      Lion suggests the guy earns the medium income but no where in the article do they mention his career. In fact, his main issue with her was that she did not respect his parenting and household contributions…sounds like a guy who sat around at home all day, not taking out the trash, feeding the kid and himself McDonalds while he strums the guitar.


      January 7, 2016 at 11:35 am

      • Just because he doesn’t have a successful career like his wife doesn’t mean he enjoys doing woman’s work look cooking or cleaning. I can’t stand doing that stuff.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 7, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      • For men, life is built on status. Everything depends on it. To have status beneath the people around you (friends, wife, etc.,) is a horrible existence.


        January 7, 2016 at 10:05 pm

  6. C’mon people! Stop being so judgey. The great feminist icon Amy Schumer has a REGULAR GUY boyfriend who obviously makes way less than she does. And what, you think it won’t last?

    Quaint sidenote in the article. The author (a woman) tosses in this: “Now, Amy Schumer could have decided to date Bill Hader or Idris Elba…” OF COURSE, have to imagine a black guy as a potential boyfriend.


    January 7, 2016 at 10:40 am

    • “Now, Amy Schumer could have decided to date Bill Hader or Idris Elba…”

      Or both! Make it a double date, wink.


      January 7, 2016 at 11:51 am

    • Well, she does have that thick 170-lb frame that the brothers find irresistible in a white woman.


      January 7, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      • 170… She’s, um, sturdy. I recall Schumer bragging she could “catch a D anytime.” Good luck with that.


        January 7, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    • Imagine a curve where the y-axis is “how much the woman cares about a mate’s earnings” and the x-axis being her wealth/income.

      It would be a parabolic curve where poor women might not care as much, umc strivers care very much, and ultra wealthy/incomes won’t care as much.


      January 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

  7. If she were dedicated to the practice of medicine like an artist is dedicated to his art, they would have been fine, but apparently she wasn’t. 200,000 on the books or even 300,000 ain’t much. I used to rent by an old Jew and his daughter was married to a dentist, so he used to say: ‘This guy spent 13 years studying and he makes less than a shochet (Jewish butcher), he is useless.’

    Lion, what is it that gives? Are you saying it’s HBD gender differences? Because I think that this is what you are saying. I think that’s what it is. Society is messed up big time on this issue. At 33 she should have had a bunch of kids already. A man has to be a man, and a woman a woman and do their thing that they are meant for. If I were doing a woman’s job, I would just get depressed and die, maybe.

    When we were in Egyptian bandage, they made men do women’s tasks and they tell us that that was the worst type of slavery. It’s in the Midrash, you can check it, if you want. So everything that the NYT is telling you we Jews know for thousands of years. I think that other cultures also know it, but not the NYT – they don’t know anything and lie about everything. It’s a very evil and stupid paper.


    January 7, 2016 at 10:50 am

    • *When we were in Egyptian bandage (sic)*

      You realize that never happened, right?


      January 7, 2016 at 9:55 pm

  8. I don’t think any of you are right. I think the real problem is that they are essentially incompatible people. Rock musicians are flakes. Doctors are nose-to-the-grindstone responsible cogs in the machine. Even though she went and played keyboard (she’s a doctor, she’s good at lots of things), she’s really not a musician-and doesn’t have a musician’s mindset.

    Its ok to just have fun for a while when you are 28-and those personality differences don’t matter as much. But when you are raising kids, and establishing a household, the ‘fun’ isn’t there anymore. By this I mean the carefree, unaware approach to existence. Eating out 6 nights a week and hanging out in bars just doesn’t happen. Then, you’re eating in, managing the baby, cleaning the house, splitting vacations between inlaws, his preference, her preference, and kids’ preferences, working at least full time, trying to get enough sleep, and on and on and on. Rock musician goofiness and doctor focus will clash much more at this point.

    In other words, if he were a physics teacher at a high school, or a marginally successful accountant, or some other staid, serious (but financially crappy) job, they may very well have made it.

    And if he were a doctor, while she sang in bands, I think they’d have the same problems. The two personalities are just too different to maintain a marriage and family.



    January 7, 2016 at 11:00 am

    • “And if he were a doctor, while she sang in bands, I think they’d have the same problems. The two personalities are just too different to maintain a marriage and family.”

      The divorce rate of male doctors is extremely low. I believe the percentage of male doctors who are divorced is in the single digits. The divorce rate of women doctors is many multiples higher.

      The classical model of a male provider and a woman focused on the home is extremely stable.


      January 7, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      • It’s not at all uncommon for men to have real money-earning jobs while their wives have low-paying low-time-commitment self-actualizing careers which leave them time to take care of the kids.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 7, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      • NYC is tough on men who don’t have value transference jobs, unless they’re subsidized by the government, parents or both in certain situations, but that also makes a stigma case for non-NAM women not wanting to date and marry you.


        January 7, 2016 at 1:30 pm

  9. He’s a loser. Not because of finances but because of his weakness of mind and character. No dominance whatsoever. No woman can respect that. What was his value to her? Nothing. A woman similarly situated (or even stay at home) has intrinsic value because she can provide sex. A man’s value to a woman almost never has to do with sex. A man must marry reluctantly or not at all. Marriage out of fear is doomed to failure.


    January 7, 2016 at 11:02 am

    • It’s hard to be alpha in the long term if you are in a much weaker position financially. If you storm out in an argument, do you then you need to call collect to get a ride back home? You can get through dating with bluff and bluster, but a marriage?

      When I was younger, someone tried to match me with a young lady in med school. I turned tail. Lucky I knew then what I know now. The woman I married is considerably better looking than me, and is a devoted stay-at-home wife and mother.

      “A man’s value to a woman almost never has to do with sex.”

      Right, what a man can bring to the table is usually by being a provider. Take that away and what is left?


      January 7, 2016 at 12:22 pm

  10. O/T – Lion, just to prove my point that the media never acknowledges a black criminal by his racial makeup (unlike Hispanics), from all the liberal pandering. This White girl who lives in dangerous Bushwick, and gets her face slashed by a black miscreant in safer Chelsea. What irony!

    He’s now been arrested!


    January 7, 2016 at 11:42 am

  11. Without reading the article, my wild guess is the problem is the woman hates hates hates being the provider, who MUST bring home the bacon, month in and month out, whether she likes it or not (aka masculine style).

    Also, med school is a really bad life choice for a woman.


    January 7, 2016 at 11:57 am

    • I agree with this. Women think they want the privileges men have, but don’t want any of the responsibilities that come with it.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 12:18 pm

  12. I think they could have made a go of it if they pooled their finances. Thirteen years of marriage and they don’t know each others’ finances and keep everything separate… That doesn’t sound like a marriage to me. Most of the marriages I know, the couple just puts their money together. That suggests to me that they weren’t in it with both feet.

    Obviously pooling finances would have been hard for her, but if you don’t do that, then you have the weird situation that the couple are basically in different social strata.

    Of course she is alone now. That’s not surprising. What are the odds of marriage for an older, high-earning woman?


    January 7, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    • Unstated is the assumption that marriage to a low-earning man is out of the question.

      Re-marriage is possible (especially to a divorced doctor), but never getting re-married is also possible.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 12:24 pm

  13. ‘50,000/year which is the median income for a middle-aged man.’

    Before tax? I hope it’s not true. This is impossible, just do the math. This is around $600 a week after tax for him. This is silly. It’s less than $100 a day to live on. Good illegal construction worker makes that. I made more than that yesterday. I worked 18 hours straight, but I have a little over $1,000 in my pocket for my efforts. Too little for this kind of work but I just felt sorry for the guys who needed heating.

    People can’t be living like this. I mean a man comes home with less than $120? This isn’t a man, this is a dinosaur.


    January 7, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    • Yes, it’s the median salary, before tax, for a middle-aged man.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      • Many cool college grads make less than that. 50K is a good salary for a liberal arts major. 50K is doable for someone who pays little or no rent in NYC.

        Housing costs is the real vampire!


        January 7, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      • We don’t really know what he made, I was just trying to point out that we can’t assume he was a complete bum with zero income.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 7, 2016 at 12:42 pm

      • Maybe in flyover country or in Alabama, but not here, right? This isn’t what they earn here, this is being very poor. Maybe losers do, but who can live on this? This is no way for a Jew to live, this is beastly. I don’t think it’s
        a way for non-Jews to live either, but I’m just talking to you as a Jew.

        Also, you make it sound like middle-age is some kind of a death sentence. I’m 56 and have plans, you know. A lot of folks have. Middle age is nothing. I was gonna marry a young Bucharan girl and have more kids, but then I found out about HBD, thanks to you and folks like you, so I’m on hold for now. I’m thinking what to do.


        January 7, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      • Judge the girl by her behavior and intelligence, and that of her immediate family, not by people of her same ethnicity.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 7, 2016 at 12:53 pm

      • Yakov wants to marry a girl from Al-Bukari land. She must have slanted eyes with a Caucasian nose.


        January 7, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      • As a dwarf standing on the shoulders of the giants I disagree. I think I only want an Ashkenazi, nothing else. I think these genes are gonna do their thing in the future generations. I got to stick to my own.


        January 7, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    • 50,000 a year is just fine for those with middle class aspirations in most of flyover America.


      January 7, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      • 50K in prole frontier is a lot, except in windy Obamaland where Emmanuel is mayor.


        January 7, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    • Yakov does make an interesting point here.

      I have made it a habit of looking at income in terms of an hourly wage. It is very sobering. $50,000 a year is roughly $22.00 an hour assuming a 40 hour workweek.

      Good habit to get into.


      January 7, 2016 at 10:04 pm

      • My point goes further: how much is it after taxes. What’s left in the pocket?


        January 9, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    • Amazing how not being a tax-dodging shifty contractor has a way of limiting one’s finances, eh?

      Mad Hatter

      January 7, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      • Being stupid and lazy is the real impediment.

        Now let’s see, nothing like a good honest man who pays taxes, but let’s see…

        So, say, you need a condenser change out and here are your options:

        1. $2,800 – cash
        2. $4,200 – check or credit
        3. Call IRS

        Which one would you make? As they say in Yiddish: ‘Tuches ofen tish! ‘, which means ‘Butt on the table!’ i. e. speak the real truth.


        January 9, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      • What’s the purpose of not taking checks or credit? The IRS doesn’t know about those transactions unless they subpoena your bank records, and they can’t do that without probable cause.

        Whatever is reported to the IRS you get a 1099 or some other form at the end of the year. Nothing else gets reported.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 9, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      • Checks and credit card charges go to a business account. These have to be expensed in a reasonable manner that makes sense without raising red flags. There is a good chance for a business to be audited. Things have to make sense. I don’t know much about it, but this is what I think.

        Suppliers and workers need cash too. For example last week I bought duct for my job $190 cash or $200 plus tax check. It’s a no brainer, but you need cash. On a $20,000 duct order you save $1,500 and so on.


        January 9, 2016 at 7:11 pm

  14. I’d guess, statistically speaking anyway, her being older was a greater impediment than her higher income. I once read that if a woman is even just a few years older than her husband they are many times more likely to divorce than if she were a few years younger, which really doesn’t make much sense.

    Also, reading between the lines, she wasn’t attracted to him due to his weight. There is an implication he is or was heavy and ate- in her opinion- poorly.

    But who wouldn’t expect two aspiring rock stars to divorce?

    slithy toves

    January 7, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    • That could be a disguised class thing. He ate the inexpensive prole food he always ate, but she learned about expensive SWPL dining from her doctor co-workers.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 1:06 pm

  15. Separate finances is the big tip off it was not going to work, not that he was a broke loser.

    People who love each other pool their finances; “My burden is her burden, and vice versa.” Money ought to be shared in marriage.

    Separate bank accounts = selfish people. If he ate some of her ice cream out of the freezer, does she send him a bill for it?

    I can not imagine for a single second being married to someone and not sharing everything selflessly.


    January 7, 2016 at 1:11 pm

  16. You make some great points. There’s definitely a double-standard when it comes to wives making more money. Women have such a double-standard, entitlement mentality. They’d throw a fit if a husband begrudged earning more. Yet they have no respect for a husband who earns less. That’s completely unreasonable for a spouse who’s a neurologist earning hundreds of thousands per year. As if she’d ever marry someone who doesn’t earn a fraction of that.

    Any marriage with separate finances is in trouble. Now, my wife has no idea how much my company makes. But that money is strictly for the company. Whatever I pay myself goes into a joint house account that we share for bills, etc. I don’t have any separate money that I’m spending. His wife tried to blame him for keeping his spending “secret” and “breaking her trust”. But that’s just gynospeak to justify her ‘feelings’. I’m willing to bet it was her idea to keep the finances separate in the first place.

    Still, I’m not willing to put it all on her back. The guy basically admits he was a fat slob without a steady job. Some fat slob who rolls out of bed at the crack of noon and works an occasional gig with a band, Seriously??? How many years is a wife — neurologist or not — supposed to put up with that? Even if he doesn’t make much money he could work a job and look decent. At least the wives of male doctors have enough sense to go to the gym.


    January 7, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    • “There’s definitely a double-standard when it comes to wives making more money. Women have such a double-standard, entitlement mentality. They’d throw a fit if a husband begrudged earning more. Yet they have no respect for a husband who earns less. That’s completely unreasonable for a spouse who’s a neurologist earning hundreds of thousands per year. As if she’d ever marry someone who doesn’t earn a fraction of that.”

      Amen. If men kicked out their less ambitious less successful wives, the divorce rate would rise toward infinity. But when they start to get straying eyes when the wives blimp out and lose any youthful energy and vitality, they’re selfish monsters.

      Thin-Skinned Masta-Beta

      January 7, 2016 at 5:44 pm

  17. “and when they got divorced he foolishly did not press for the palimony he was probably entitled to under New York law.”

    Don’t assume he had a choice. It may have been a choice. Then, again, she may have been holding something over his head like an audio of him threatening to kill her or internet records of him looking at kiddie porn. I know someone who did both of those things to get a better financial settlement in a divorce. And it worked, too.


    January 7, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    • She undoubtedly paid child support which in NYS would be 17% of her income. It sounds like the child lived with the dad for the better part of a year. By “financial settlement” they are probably referring to alimony or a cut of her retirement.

      slithy toves

      January 7, 2016 at 4:58 pm

  18. I attended medical school at University Wisconsin with Cindy Harden 1979-1983. Very likable girl. I recall she performed at bars a few times during 1st and 2nd years. She died her hair fushia at Halloween; it didn’t rinse out, so she was stained red.

    I think Lion’s analysis is spot on. Meanwhile, I married a classmate / surgeon. He earns X 3 what I earn as a part-time ER doc. We’ve raised three great kids and will retire early in 2 years. I am eternally indebted to my husband for the opportunity to work part-time while our kids were young. I feel sad for Cindy after reading that profile. Why would she submit to the public exposure?

    Generalizing among my late 50s female doctor peers, the double physician marriages seem more stable than the women married to non-docs. One curious exception to me is my friend S. She’s been a full-time ER doc for 30+ years married to a construction worker. He’s likable, cute, fit, and intelligent. They are both religious and live rural. Maybe it works because he is intelligent.


    January 7, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    • Or maybe it works because they are religious and therefore find a higher meaning to life then competing to see who can earn the most money.

      Ironically, perhaps it’s old-fashioned religious values that are needed for modern marriage situations to work.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 7, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    • Being a sexy and likable construction worker beats being a fat washed up musician with bad habits (like the husband in the article).


      January 7, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      • I agree but I think a lot of it depends on what the woman values. If money is important to her, then the man needs to earn more than her otherwise the marriage is going to have problem.

        Basically, for whatever she values, the man needs to be superior to her or at least her equal.


        January 8, 2016 at 5:02 pm

  19. In the Game universe, this is called hypergamy. Women trade up. They want men that are taller, better looking, more successful, higher social status and more charisma.

    It is what drives the sexual dimorphism between men and women.

    A woman doctor marrying a less successful man does so because she cannot attract a man more successful than she is. Other doctors or higher just have better options.

    Her being a doctor stimulates her hypergamy to levels that result in either childlesssness, divorce or both.


    January 7, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    • I basically agree, except that the man’s superiority need not be financial. For example if she likes fine dining and he is an accomplished chef or a restaurant critic for a major newspaper. Or if he is a police detective with a badge, a gun, and the right to arrest. Or if she goes to the gym regularly and he is a fitness instructor in peak physical condition. Or even if he just has a lot of confidence and swagger and doesn’t care about her money because “I’m the man and I wear the pants around here.”

      Although it’s normally done with income, there are all kinds of ways that the man can demonstrate his superiority but if he doesn’t do it, it’s really a big problem for the marriage.


      January 8, 2016 at 4:58 pm

  20. She was four years older when they married. First huge red flag. Cindy does not seem to be a woman of good character (she left her boyfriend at the time for this younger rock band guy without a stable career). She chose to keep their financial accounts separate – no doubt it was her, as the wealthier partner. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Cindy was not interested in that.


    January 9, 2016 at 12:39 pm

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