Lion of the Blogosphere

How I discovered the reason for ketchup

Until recently, I thought ketchup was useless except as something to dip French fries into. But when faced with a rather unpleasant turkey meatloaf, I remembered that Donald Trump likes to put ketchup on his food, so I thought I would give it a try. And amazingly, the ketchup turned the unpleasant turkey meatloaf into something enjoyable!

Thus did I discover the reason for ketchup. As a condiment that overpowers the flavors of food, it will absolutely ruin high quality Manhattan food. (And that even applies to Manhattan-quality hamburgers, you don’t want to ruin them with ketchup.) But when faced with crappy prole food, which is what the majority of America eats, ketchup works wonders.

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

March 18, 2017 at EST pm

Posted in Proles

76 Responses

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  1. LOL. Lion’s Manhattan-centric view of the world gets sillier all the time. You don’t put ketchup on your Shake Shack burgers?

    Hermes

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • They often come with “Shake sauce”, which looks to be essentially Russian dressing (ketchup + mayo).

      David Pinsen

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • I find Shake Shack overpriced, because its par prole excellent.

      JS

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • I dunno if you could call anything created by Danny Meyer prole. The original location in Madison Park was good, but something seems to have evaporated from the chain since. The burgers are incredibly greasy and heavy. Some of the deserts are good though. They had a Christmas cookie shake that was interesting.

        David Pinsen

        March 20, 2017 at EST am

      • His restaurant by Union Sq is pretty good. Shake Shack is prole given his legacy of fine dining.

        JS

        March 20, 2017 at EST pm

  2. I think ketchup is an ingredient in meatloaf

    S

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  3. Salsa verde > ketchup.
    This is the new America.

    Heyoka

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  4. What’s so good about upper class food? Does it really taste that good?

    Dave

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Upper class food is relatively bland by design.

      However, better beef is supposed to taste good even mostly unspiced. I think that is what Lion is referring to. Though, overcooking any type of beef (char) can lend a bitter flavor that is often helped by the sweetness of ketchup. Personally, I’d only use Ketchup with something that had a roll around it. That somehow makes it better / more acceptable. It’s sort of like the Ketchup is just a part of a larger salad of meat, bread, lettuce, etc.

      If you had a nice enough cut, you’d probably only result to A1, which is still prole. Worcestershire is a little higher class if you need it (though I fail to see much of a difference), but doesn’t work quite as well to do the same job imo.

      Low fat meat, such as Turkey is also helped by Ketchup specifically. The intense sweet somehow makes up for the lack of fat in terms of satisfaction. In this circumstance, there isn’t much substitute for Ketchup unless you don’t mind a dry sensation to the meat.

      Dave

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • I’ve never put Worcestershire on cooked meat. But I’ll marinate steak in a combo of red wine, Worcestershire, and steak seasoning (mainly pepper and salt) before cooking. Then just eat it straight, or in a deglazed sauce from the pan.

        David Pinsen

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • Upper class food is relatively bland by design.

        Not sure this applies universally — molecular gastronomy and tasting menus may include some exceptions — but there’s some truth to it, or, rather, middle class food is designed to be more flavorful. For example, I had salmon once at Le Bernardin on an expense account. The salmon at Houston’s was more flavorful.

        David Pinsen

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  5. as someone who cooks in very large batches, condiments like tomato sauce (ketchup) or hot sauce are pretty essential for dealing with the food blandness of a meal that has been stored and reheated over a period of sometimes a week.

    james n.s.w

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  6. Manhattan has one of the worst food cultures in the country. The grocery stores suck and people eat at garbage tier greasy restaurants constantly.

    bobbybobbob

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  7. Maybe, but salsa works even better.

    marty

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  8. During a period when I had some nasty stomach problems, I had to pay an unusual amount of attention to my diet. Eventually this wound up as two rules: 1) avoid sugar and 2) definitely avoid corn syrup.

    Staying clear of carbs and artificial anything are good ideas too, but keeping sugar intake low and avoiding corn syrup, especially HFCS, turned out to be essential.

    Anyway, I found out that this meant stopping using ketchup as a condiment. Its possible to get mustard and mayonnaise without HFCS, though you may have to pay more for mustard (you can always make mayonnaise, but even the cheap store bought stuff is not bad). Its impossible to find ketchup that does not contain HFCS, though you think it would be easy to produce some thick tomato paste. Even steak sauce is problematic.

    When you think about it, ketchup is really a means for Americans to use a really sugary sauce on foods that really shouldn’t be eaten with sugar.

    Most hamburgers are already served with tomatoes, so why add tomato sauce. I’ve found mayonnaise works great with both hamburger and fries. Steaks should be eaten without condiments, and meatloaf not eaten at all.

    I’ve also gotten used to drinking coffee black, since in prole settings the only cream you will get is that highly carcinogenic artificial powder. I will use milk when that is available, in non-prole settings.

    Ed

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Oh, yeah, Ketchup sits in your system and you feel it. It’s pretty disgusting.

      That being said, I revile mayo even more. Unless you have to choke down a dry meat sandwich that mustard can’t fix, there is very little justification for it in the diet. Health wise, I view its soybean oil base as much worse than Ketchup.

      Dave

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Try organic ketchup from Trader Joe’s or Safeway. No HFCS. If you want to control your (cane) sugar intake, make your own ketchup at home. Lots of recipes online.

      maga

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • I don’t know when and where you were shopping but nowadays every big store has ketchup made without corn syrup. I just checked my fridge and Kroger’s store “organic” brand has no HFCS; I think it tastes about the same as Heinz. HFCS has such a bad rep right now that lots of brands are moving away from it.

      I use ketchup precisely the way Lion described: if I screw up a steak or something, I use it; if not, I do not use it. I thought this was a common knowledge.

      Nice blog, dude

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • A moderate amount of ketchup actually goes quite well on a good burger. A high-end local burger place near me uses mustard as a default, but mustard overpowers burgers. Just drove by there today and the space is for rent.

      David Pinsen

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • This isn’t true. Heinz sells a variety of ketchup, including one called Simply Heinz. I think it has four ingredients, and no HFCS.

      ASF

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • HFCS is fine. It’s bioidentical to cane sugar. Both sugar and HFCS are fine from a health perspective. It’s just calories. Freaking out about HFCS or sugar has actually a useful way to spot dim nut jobs.

        bobbybobbob

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • “HFCS is fine. It’s bioidentical to cane sugar.”

        Nonsense. What do you work for the corn lobby?

        peterike

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • Peterike:

        He’s (for the most part) right. Table sugar is a mix of glucose and fructose, just like HFCS. The only difference, I think, is that HFCS has a little more fructose.

        If I’m wrong, tell me I’m a dumbass and that I don’t deserve to live. You’ll be right about the former and possibly right about the latter.

        Stealth

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • Table sugar is not a mix of glucose and fructose. It’s sucrose, a different molecule. Granted, that molecule is essentially a glucose molecule bonded to a fructose molecule. But that’s not the same thing as a bunch of glucose molecules and fructose molecules jumbled together.

        Hermes

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • Hermes:

        Sucrose is a disaccharide composed of glucose and fructose.

        Stealth

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • Hermes:

        The internetz claim that an enzyme splits the two in the upper part of the small intestine, and then they’re absorbed.

        I’m smart… for telling you something I just learned five minutes ago.

        Stealth

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • I know that, but its still a different molecule.

        Hermes

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • “HFCS is fine. It’s bioidentical to cane sugar. Both sugar and HFCS are fine from a health perspective.”

        They’re fine if you don’t pig out on them in one sitting — assuming you’re not already diabetic, all the excess glucose is converted into bodychub if you’re sedentary, plus it makes you insulin-resistant over the long run.

        The human body can’t distinguish corn syrup from cane sugar after digestion. Nutritionally, they’re identical. Only ignorant dimbulbs fret over corn syrup while celebrating cane sugar.

        hard9bf

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

    • I make my own homemade fermented ketchup. Once you ferment your own ketchup, you are no longer dealing with a prole condiment and can safely bring it out to the table at your Manhattan dinner party without risk of embarrassment. It is healthier and tastes better too.

      PerezHBD

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • “Steaks should be eaten without condiments, and meatloaf not eaten at all.”

      I make meatloaf and it’s hella good. But I agree, if you get meatloaf at a diner or whatever, it’s likely to contain whatever crap they trimmed off the beef and picked up off the floor.

      peterike

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  9. Sweet things taste better if you’re a blue collar industrial worker. Sedentary yuppies actually have an objectively bad sense of taste when fitness is accounted for. All of their snobbery is ironic and they don’t even know it.

    scald85

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  10. Everyone in the employee break room at the Major Home Improvement Retailer was taken aback when a young cashier put ketchup on pizza. She explained that she is from Brazil, where ketchup on ‘za is quite normal.

    Peter

    ironrailsironweights

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • The pizza is terrible in Brazil. But as compensation, there’s plenty of great, fresh, inexpensive churrascaria + salad bars.

      I still think it’s funny that you don’t name the home improvement company. Like you’re a spy needing to cover your tracks.

      David Pinsen

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • What % if the women working at your store ever bother to learn sqwat about what they sell? I have a memory, perhaps faulty, about Home Depot being staffed with men knowledgeable about their products at one time in the past. Now I get women and blank stares in response to questions. I’ve had similar experiences at car parts stores.

      Curle

      March 19, 2017 at EST pm

  11. You might also try a BBQ sauce like Sweet Baby Ray’s. Or go whole hog and try A1.

    I’m trying to understand why a guy in NYC thinks burgers are better there than in, say, Nebraska. What’s next.. “You can’t get good corn on the cob outside Manhattan!”

    steve@steve.com

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  12. Trump is indeed more thoroughgoing at pretending to be culturally working class than George W. Bush ever was!

    BTW there’s a blog (with political leanings quite opposite yours) that takes time from its serious rants to indulge its fixation on ketchup and its evils; here’s a typical such post:

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2016/02/know-your-enemy

    Anthony

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Trump doesn’t pretend to be culturally working class, he just likes simple foods. Warren Buffett does too, and he’s not a politician.

      George W. Bush did make a show of spending time at his ranch. I wonder how much time he spends there now.

      David Pinsen

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • I saw a photo spread of George W’s “ranch house” in Texas in some Architectural Digest-type magazine. His ranch is huge, and he is by no means living in a bunkhouse. The dude just enjoys pretending he’s a cowboy, while living the lifestyle appropriate to a member of the hyper-elite.

        Ice Hole

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

  13. ” high quality Manhattan food.”

    where do you have your turkey meatloaf flown in from?

    Lion of the Turambar

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Staten Island.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • Speaking of guido food..Italian cuisine in America is just bleh. Everything is drizzle with tomato sauce and slathered in cheese. This proves your point that ketchup is really for proles.

        Manhattan offers high quality food simply because of competition and high rents. Middle America eateries get away with subpar food, by being the only game in town.

        JS

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • Speaking of guido food..Italian cuisine in America is just bleh. Everything is drizzle with tomato sauce and slathered in cheese. This proves your point that ketchup is really for proles.

        Such a broad generalization. My local Italian bakery/deli is great. Run by an Italian knight.

        David Pinsen

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • “Middle America eateries get away with subpar food, by being the only game in town.”

        Have you ever set food in America? Even small towns have far more restaurants than they should. The competition is just as intense and the winners win because they serve the food that people want to buy.

        Spoons

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

  14. Ketchup actually started as an exotic gourmet foreign item from, I believe, Indonesia. I guess the British spread it round the world.

    You can get the exact same effect of tomato ketchup by combining tomato paste, a sweetener (such as brown sugar or molasses) and spices per your tradition. I use paprika in my stuffed cabbages, which are excellent. Others use cinnamon or ginger.

    gothamette

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • An ex-girlfriend of mine used to squirt a few drops of hot sauce in a puddle of ketchup and mix it around with a french fry before dipping the rest in. Gave it a little kick.

      David Pinsen

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • That sounds awesome. She sounds like a keeper, but maybe for someone else.

        gothamette

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

    • I’ve made ketchup. Lion, it involves no cooking! 12 oz. can tomato paste, 1/2 cup vinegar, 1/2 cup water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, teaspoon oregano, pinch of cumin, nutmeg, pepper, mustard powder, and a clove of garlic (minced). Mix together and voilĂ . No need to measure precisely, you can just throw it together. You can impress the girls with your (non-)cooking (no weird ingredients like high fructose corn syrup or MSG).

      Anthony

      March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • You know that the tomatoes naturally contain fructose, right?

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • I forgot the vinegar (souring ingredient). Good recipe! But I usually just buy TJ’s.

        gothamette

        March 19, 2017 at EST am

  15. But when faced with crappy prole food, which is what the majority of America eats, ketchup works wonders.

    Lion finally agrees with me that America is a crappy place.

    JS

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  16. Religious people believe that praying to god would keep them out of trouble. “Non-religious” believe that eating “healthy” would keep them out of trouble. Both have similar quality of life and die at about the same age. I think trying to control your health with amount of food you eat makes much less sense than trying to control car reliability with electricity and water that a factory receives. The internal processes are too complicated to be able to do it at the factory. In your case it is even more complicated.

    My Two Cents

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  17. You know Lion its amazing how you’ve lived such a sheltered life that you’re just now discovering the plethora of widely available condiments that Americans use to add flavor to food. I imagine you’ve had the luxury of authentic ethnic foods available in the dessicated burned out ghettos that people laughingly refer to as cities. Being sheltered like you have you probably don’t realize the amazing falsehood of claiming this is actual ethnic food reminiscent of their homelands. Chinese and Italian Restaurateurs routinely joke about how people like you buy their claims of authenticity when in fact these American meals are just using domestic ingredients and preparing them in a pseudo ethnic manner. Did you know Chow Mein is not actually Chinese Food? Its a dish made using Western American staples they pass off as “authentic”. Pizza was invented in America. Its not really an Italian dish. Authentic Italian food is actually mostly pastries and pasta using a variety of recipes and available ingredients. It has no hard and fast ingredient basis. I know cause I’m half Italian myself, and no I’m no Guido who wears Gold Chains and effects the monosyllabic buffoonery that guys like Tony Danza and Sly Stallone do. I’d like to slap those boys around for making Italians look dumb. Leonardo Da Vinci was Italian motherfucker. What is this monosyllabic crap? Napoleon Bonaparte was an ethnic Italian from Corsica. Yeah, you didn’t really believe that one of History’s Best Generals was actually French did you?
    But now that you’ve decided to explore condiments in earnest, try using Garlic. Sure some people don’t like the smell, but the flavor and aroma it adds to food is practically magical, and the Health effects are sorely underestimated. Garlic has loads of calcium and anti-oxidants. I wouldn’t even eat Pizza or pasta without it. It also adds zest to stuff like tuna or soup. And the World’s Greatest Male Lovers have always said and claimed Garlic is a magic herb that adds to their stamina and vigor as lovers. Eat enough Garlic and you might become a Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus.

    Joshua Sinistar

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Most guidos in America do not hail from Northern Italy. Anything south of Rome is a land of proles.

      JS

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

      • And what’s really tragic about many Southern Italian Americans is the complete lack of awareness of their specific place of origin. This becomes exacerbated, given the fact that many of them have lost their identity by intermarrying with Irish and German Catholics. Most IAs from the south have never visited their hometowns of their forefathers. This is not true of other Southern Europeans. Americans who are Spaniards and Greeks know darn well where they come from, since most of them have gone back to their villages of their forefathers or have some inkling exactly where their forefathers lived, based on the testimony of their parents or grandparents.

        JS

        March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  18. Food is to support life. You know, like the cells need their nourishment. So, yeah, it’s OK to talk about it within reason, but dwelling too much on it is a sign of being shallow. Talking about sex is low class. Definitely. This blog talks too much about these subjects. Very unhealthy. Who in their right mind is gonna blog about ketchup? Never heard of such thing.

    Yakov

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • Yakov, get some sleep you’re drunk. My God your shallow and hollow materialism is as bad as a consumer. Are we not men? Have we Devo’ed to the point where Epicurean Tastes and Sublime Beauty no longer tug at our spirits? Real men don’t have sex, we make love. Love isn’t just a desire and not merely a fleeting emotion. The Art of Bedding a Woman and making her call out your name is an Art. It may not be something hung at museums, but Real Men of Quality and Breeding consider such lowly utilitarian considerations to be the purview of illiterate peasantry, whose only values are needs and base desires.

      Joshua Sinistar

      March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • There is a common and widespread misconception of what Epicurus had taught.
        For Epicurus, the purpose of philosophy was to attain the happy, tranquil life, characterized by ataraxia—peace and freedom from fear—and aponia—the absence of pain—and by living a self-sufficient life surrounded by friends. He taught that pleasure and pain are measures of what is good and evil; death is the end of both body and soul and should therefore not be feared; the gods neither reward nor punish humans; the universe is infinite and eternal; and events in the world are ultimately based on the motions and interactions of atoms moving in empty space.

        Yakov

        March 19, 2017 at EST pm

      • A cut and paste from Wikipedia? Sad. The Ancient Greeks all feared the gods. They also argued over the One Above All. The Supreme Being. Wikipedia is the sad sack Cliffs Notes, I saw the movie pseudointellectual garbage that makes academia and schooling a complete and total waste of time. Most Greek Philosophy has been lost. When the Library of Alexandria was looted and burned by Mohammedans who were under the impression that the Quran is the ONLY BOOK ONE NEEDS, many great works were lost to the flames of low IQ idiots whose intellectual curiosity ends with gibmedat and I got mine. And yeah, it was Mohammedans. The Church burned blasphemy and witches, but Christians do not burn down libraries like the Library of Alexandria. Its all about Race.

        Joshua Sinistar

        March 19, 2017 at EST pm

      • There isn’t much that has reached us from the teaching of Epicurus, there are no complete works. Wikipedia or not, he wasn’t advocating the hedonistic enjoyment of life as is commonly beleived. What wise person ever did? The ‘Art of Bedding a Woman’ wouldn’t have been to the taste of Epicurus or his desiples. This is very simple.

        Christianity certainly had burned plenty of books and people through its history. Check Wikipedia, I’d you don’t beleive it.

        Yakov

        March 20, 2017 at EST am

      • Also, The Church burned scholars and thinkers together with their books. It had also burned The Talmud and various other Jewish books. Where is the racial difference that you are talking about?

        Yakov

        March 20, 2017 at EST am

  19. Eating ketchup on Cheetos confers elite status while drunk/high.

    B.T.D.T.

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  20. I once attended a soul food lunch buffet, thrown by a local black preacher for legal officials and court personnel. There was possum, squirrel, raccoon, okra, mustard greens, chickpeas, and peach cobbler. All I would touch was the cobbler. Ketchup wouldn’t have helped. I was standing in line next to a tall, slender, middle-aged black man who said, “where’s the coon?” Seriously. This was in 1984. Then i sat down and a bunch of peopke started grilling me about whether I was going to vote for Jesse Jackson.

    Explainer 21

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

    • I don’t think I can handle the idea of eating possum. I might have tried the squirrel and the raccoon, though. I’ve heard that squirrel brains were once a delicacy around these parts – for real.

      Stealth

      March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  21. O/T…this time it is The Economist stealing your thesis on the intersection of video games/male work.

    https://www.1843magazine.com/features/escape-to-another-world

    Simba of the Blogosphere

    March 18, 2017 at EST pm

  22. To function normally a man needs a woman and food. So he should get married early this way he gets both – a wife is gonna cook his food. A healthy man doesn’t need to talk about either food or women because he has both the right way. Now, obviously you gotta compliment your wife’s cooking or any woman’s cooking, but talking a lot about food is for women or men who are in that line of business. Only losers and perverts talk about their sex lives. This is very simple.

    Also, after you detox, your body will tell you what it needs to eat. Same goes for your mind once you detox from the crazy modern culture that has polluted your brain, your body will tell you when you need a woman. This is also very simple.

    Food is the energy that you need to consume, sperm is the energy that you need to release. That’s on a purely biological level. Religion elevates these basic physical needs and gives them meaning.

    Yakov

    March 19, 2017 at EST am

    • There’s the old joke about what does a Jewish wife make for dinner? Reservations.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      March 19, 2017 at EST am

      • Lol! This gives a context to your post. Poor man you must have had it rough. Rest assured though that it’s an anomaly. JAPs are like this, but you should avoid them as a plague anyway.

        Yakov

        March 19, 2017 at EST pm

      • I’ve eaten a lot of food cooked by Jews, and the vast majority of it sucks.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        March 19, 2017 at EST pm

  23. Turkey ultra-kosher meatloaf!? A shame to abuse turkey like that.
    One of the few things the Jews aren’t famous for is mouthwatering cuisine.(except for deli items). As much as I love grav lox with capers on top maybe it’s a warning when you’re culture’s best food is all basic sliced stuff served cold.
    Sad stuff like turkey bacon and gefilte fish with matzo balls fails to inspire. Muslim food has similiar limitations yet manages to be uniformly delicious.

    Giovanni Dannato

    March 19, 2017 at EST am

    • Probably the best taste-relative-to-restrictiveness ratio is achieved in Indian vegetarian cuisine.

      snorlaxwp

      March 20, 2017 at EST am

  24. Lion writes post on ketchup. Gets over 50 comments that are mostly on topic. Remarkable.

    Joe

    March 19, 2017 at EST am

    • He cheated by mentioning Trump.

      snorlaxwp

      March 20, 2017 at EST am

  25. You made it all the way into middle age without knowing this? I guess I’m more prole than I thought.

    snorlaxwp

    March 20, 2017 at EST am


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