Lion of the Blogosphere

Women on online dating sites aren’t that unique

with 59 comments

I liked this story at Wired about a math/computer guy, Chris McKinlay, whom the headline says “hacked” OKCupid to find dates.

But he didn’t hack it, he merely optimized his profile and his search methodology.

For those unaware, the unique angle that OKCupid has is that a prospective dater is encouraged to answer a lot of questions, and then OKCupid, through mysterious means (which are a lot less mysterious after reading the article), computes a match percentage to compare you with every other member on the site.

One of McKinlay’s insights is that women fall into distinct clusters of response patterns. This is hardly surprising to people who read my blog. As you know, people’s beliefs and interests are based on what other people in their peer group believe and are interested in. And thus, the bottom line is that women aren’t very unique at all (even though they like to think they’re unique), they fall into clusters of non-uniqueness within which there is a high percentage of agreement on the answers to certain questions. For example, in his age group in the Los Angeles metropolitan area, there was a religious cluster, a tattooed cluster, a mid-sized dog-owning cluster, etc.

McKinlay’s next insight is that the match percentage has a strong influence on whether a member of the opposite sex will consider you for a date (because the website strongly encourages members to believe that the match percentage is important), so he gamed the answers to his questions in order to have the highest possible average match percentage for the women in the cluster of non-uniqueness that he was pursuing.

What is OKCupid going to do about people who game the system? Probably it’s not their highest concern. Most members are too lazy to even get a proper photo, despite that fact that the OKCupid blog has had several posts about the type of photos that attract the most attention and responses. Very few people will put in the effort to follow the McKinlay system.

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

May 13, 2017 at 2:12 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

59 Responses

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  1. I remember hearing about this when I was at one of the 3 in person programming bootcamps I attended*

    *I also attended an online bootcamp in between the 1st and 2nd in person ones. I got fired from my first job after the 2nd camp in less than three weeks, then I went to a 3rd bootcamp and got the job that I have now. Learning to code is not easy. Lion has still never given us an alternative, though. That is why I (correctly) ignored his “don’t be a programmer” advice: there is basically no alternative to programming unless you want to go to some type of grad school.

    Otis the Sweaty

    May 13, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    • A professional master’s only takes two years usually. That’s not long compared to a decade of unemployment as an older programmer.

      JW Bell

      May 13, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    • LOL sounds like he really cracked the code. The beta white nerd with… ya. Cool work he does though.

      It the story of an ugly White male math/computer geek boy who finds true love with an Asian left wing “artist” after he failed to feel anything with a string of probably White females.

      Another example of Stereotypes are true and boring. Next.

      Rifleman

      May 13, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    • >>Learning to code is not easy. Lion has still never given us an alternative, though. That is why I (correctly) ignored his “don’t be a programmer”

      You are correct to a point. For an intelligent, college educated dude, who is not that ambitious in the business sense, and who doesn’t want to waste his time and life pursuing some academic or professional career that he is not temperamentally suited for, computer programming is a good option. But, oh, how the Zuckerbergs and Gates out there want to destroy that option if they can get away with it.

      There are plenty of smart Americans out there who can do all the programming that this country needs to be done. They should be compensated fairly for this skill.

      Daniel

      May 13, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      • When people talk about “programmers” they seem to mostly refer to roles shoveling business and web data around to different databases and reports. Yeah, you don’t want to be one of those guys. You want a real domain expertise that happens to involve building software. This is not hard to pull off at all. For starters, never take a job doing web stuff.

        bobbybobbob

        May 14, 2017 at 10:44 am

      • I do web stuff. For mediocre junior developers, the opportunities are all in web dev. The typical starting wage coming out of Hack Reactor (where I went) is 70k for a normal city and 100k for San Fran.

        Otis the Sweaty

        May 14, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      • Without a computer science degree from a prestigious school like MIT or Cal Tech, web dev is all you’re going to get.

      • Web is just the presentation layer, there could be a lot of sophisticated work behind the scene. The whole discussion here about programming is stupid, programming is so vast and varied that relating to it as one job is like relating to “business management” as one profession.

        Hashed

        May 14, 2017 at 9:26 pm

  2. We have to talk about Trump/Comey and the tapes:

    First thing we need to establish is that Trump is not playing some type of 3D chess with his tweet implying that he has Comey on tape saying… I don’t even know what Comey is supposed to have said. Comey is known for his meticulousness and he is a long time swamp rat, he would NEVER say something potentially incriminating when he knows that he could be being taped.

    The only thing that Trump did that was clever was he didn’t actually say he had any tapes, he just implied it. The best light the tweet can be read as is a troll job targeting the media, not Comey. The worst light is it is just another example of Trump being an idiot.

    Comey was initially saying he didn’t want to testify, now apparently he is saying he does want to, but only in a public hearing. Whatever. It will be bad PR for Trump, but nothing of substance will be said and at this stage of the game we need to just accept that Trump himself is just perpetual bad PR.

    Although it’s hard to believe, it is apparently the case that there really is nothing to this Trump Russia stuff. The investigation seems to be a counter intel investigation, not a criminal one, and it is not targeting Trump or his closest associates. There is a ton of smoke, but there doesn’t seem to be an actual fire. Very strange.

    The good news about all of this is that this controversy clears the way for it to be made public that the current FBI investigation is not targeting Trump. It has been strongly implied by Grassley that in the closed door meeting that Comey has said that neither Trump nor his associates are the target of the Russia investigation. The sooner that gets made public, the better, and with Comey gone it is now certain to happen.

    Otis the Sweaty

    May 13, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    • Although it’s hard to believe, it is apparently the case that there really is nothing to this Trump Russia stuff.

      Not hard to believe at all.

      There is a ton of smoke,

      Literally no smoke whatsoever.

      http://www.dailywire.com/news/16371/comey-fake-news-round-8-facts-contradict-msms-john-nolte#exit-modal

      Andrew E.

      May 13, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      • In case it wasn’t obvious, Otis is either (a) totally oblivious to reality or (b) a Soros-ian operative posing as an alt-Righter in order to make the rest of us look bad.

        Panther of the Blogocube

        May 13, 2017 at 7:14 pm

      • The Russia-Trump conspiracy theory worked if you kept it weak:

        Trump was interested in improving ties with Russia. Putin loathed Hillary and would rather have seen Trump win. He may have hacked and released the DNC and Podesta emails to Wikileaks. And, oh no! RT and Sputnik wrote some articles favorable of Trump and the Russian Embassy on London releases some dank memes.

        Of course, that was about it. If you want to get particularly mad at Russia for “influencing” elections, then you also need to examine what Victoria Nuland was saying on the phone regarding Ukraine, you have to ask why Obama, the German Foreign Ministry, and EU have since endorsed Macron far more openly than Putin praised Trump.

        Once the conspiracy theory gets harder, that Trump was a Russian agent, or Putin hacked the voting booths, or Trump has been compromised by Russia, then it becomes ridiculous. Trump bombing Assad definitively proved he’s not in lockstep with Russian interest.

        At this point, I think people who still propound that are just cynical, and if they believe the theory, then they’re just lying to themselves. I also hope when the furor dies down and the people who have screeched about Russia start thinking more soberly, they stop using the word “McCarthyite” ever again.

        Sid

        May 13, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    • Who would believe Comey over Trump? By his own account, Trump has a superb memory. Of course, when he was being deposed for the Trump University scam he couldn’t remember that he said he had “one of the best memories in the world.”

      Vince

      May 13, 2017 at 7:10 pm

  3. He “hacked” the system as a “life hack”. It’s a correct use of the word.

    Dave Pinsen

    May 13, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    • I hate the word hack because its become too ambiguous. Its meaning has been changed or expanded to an excessive degree.

      Stealth

      May 13, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      • “it has”

        Stealth

        May 13, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      • Kind of like “racism” through useage coming to mean any social tolerance for biological explanations of human differences.

        Curle

        May 14, 2017 at 1:54 am

  4. I registered as a girl about 10 years younger than I was at the time by using a picture of a girl that I would like and a compound profile that I would like. This was to see what competition I was dealing with. It was ten years back, when I was looking for a new wife. It was educational and fun. I remember sitting in my cubicle at work with my coworker friend laughing at all several hundred responses I got. They also fell into several well defined clusters. Like one hundred “Hi”. One hundred “let’s fuck”. One hundred the same with graphic details.

    My Two Cents

    May 13, 2017 at 4:04 pm

    • LMAO! I did sort of the same thing about fifteen years ago on the “Hot or Not” web site! I posted a picture of a couple of old girlfriends just to see how they rated.

      E. Rekshun

      May 13, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      • Well?

        Vinvent

        May 14, 2017 at 2:07 am

  5. Care to estimate the gap between the ‘likes fashion’ cluster compared to the ‘reads HBD blogs’ cluster? Also, is the ‘likes fashion’ motivation straightforward or are there some odd hypergamy or HBD twists and turns?

    Curle

    May 13, 2017 at 4:28 pm

  6. I doubt it makes much of a difference. I’ve never done online dating, but I’m pretty confident that if your photograph and job title indicate that you have sufficient looks/money/status, girls will flock to you regardless how compatible they think your personalities might be. And that if you are unattractive/poor/low status, girls will not be interested regardless of how good of a match your personalities might be.

    Besides, having read a lot of discussions, I’m also pretty confident that online dating is a waste of time for young men who want a girl who is roughly their age, childless, and not obese. There are too many men chasing too few girls like that online so that unless you are in the top 10% of men for looks, you won’t get any worthwhile response.

    fortaleza84

    May 13, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    • “I doubt it makes much of a difference. I’ve never done online dating, but I’m pretty confident that if your photograph and job title indicate that you have sufficient looks/money/status, girls will flock to you regardless how compatible they think your personalities might be.”

      Boom shockalaka. When I had an eloquent and interesting written profile but silly photos, I got almost no attention. Then I rewrote my profile to say little more than “Hey, hit me up and we’ll do something fun” along with flattering photos, I got bombarded with messages. My career/profession just said “Solid,” so it’s really all about looks.

      Women are just as shallow as men, regardless of the pronouncements by gamesters like Roissy etc. If you’re fat and ugly, you’ll be lonely.

      hard9bf

      May 13, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      • I made a profile several years ago that essentially said, “I’m not interested in all of the tattooed sluts and hoes on this site.” This was also using semi-professional headshots I had taken by a friend.
        Most successful profile ever. I would get spontaneously contacted by women every day. Unfortunately, a self-defeating trap because the exact thing that is attracted to a profile like that is a bunch of slutty, low-self-esteem women who are eager to prove themselves to you. I do not think there is a reliable strategy capable of finding a high quality woman online. Not the least of which is because so many women looking online are already the dregs and damaged cast-offs of our sick culture.

        Panther of the Blogocube

        May 13, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    • True. Being a med student/resident/doctor never got me any interest from decent looking, under 30 girls.

      Hermes

      May 13, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    • Men with sufficient work status and women with sufficient looks do not (need to) online date, generally speaking. They are plugged into the social network of desirable “single young professionals.”

      Online dating is for the masses, the socially awkward, and some middling peoples do indeed find some diamonds in the rough if they’re lucky.

      fakeemail

      May 14, 2017 at 8:07 pm

  7. “It was first date number 88…Then came the message from Christine Tien Wang, a 28-year-old artist and prison abolition activist.”

    LOL sounds like he really cracked the code. The beta white nerd with… ya. Cool work he does though.

    DaddyFrank

    May 13, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    • Yeah, if you want to get a girl who looks like that, it’s not that hard. But I’m not saying that in a disparaging way. I don’t think he is ugly either, maybe a 5. There is a time when I would have thought being a PhD student was high status… how naive I was.

      Maybe they will be compatible together. White male nerd + Asian female nerd seems to be a stable combination, as has been noted many times before.

      Fact Checker

      May 14, 2017 at 12:35 am

    • Did you notice he was able to drop work for an extended period to pursue a hobby? Not like any job I’ve ever had. Talk about self actualization.

      Curle

      May 14, 2017 at 10:22 am

    • Asian women are for beta men. Good looking sociopaths need not apply.

      JS

      May 14, 2017 at 6:55 pm

  8. Are the attractive women on OKCupid real members? I’m convinced all the attractive women on Match.com are fake profiles. I once went to a speed dating event. It was kind of fun – about 20 men & 20 women ages 25 – 35, but I’m convinced that at least three of the (very) attractive women were paid participants. Oh, and two women selected me – one fatty and one black woman.

    Another time, I attended a speed dating event at an upscale location, with the stated target age range 30 – 40. I was 45. The next day I told my churchy secretary about it and she was all holier-than-tho because I “lied about my age.”

    A good friend of mine, experimented with Tinder for a while but told me all the women were flakes and liars. After meeting one for a quick cup of coffee, he was followed half way across town and assaulted by a lurking estranged husband.

    E. Rekshun

    May 13, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    • There’s a fair number of wedding announcements where they met on Tinder. Tinder is actually a good model. Photos and a brief blurb with none of the BS about “compability.”

      JW Bell

      May 13, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      • “compatibility”

        JW Bell

        May 13, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      • Tinder is the opposite of OKCupid.

      • I thought it was funny that women actually took the compatibility score seriously, when I used to use that site. Sometimes personalities are complementary.

        But yeah, if one is a progressive liberal and the other is a Trumpist, they’re probably not going to get along. Although there are reports of semi-stable liberal wife + conservative husband marriages. Things that are multifactorial like this are seldom cut and dry.

        Fact Checker

        May 14, 2017 at 12:39 am

    • Does speed dating still exist?

      Peter

      ironrailsironweights

      May 14, 2017 at 9:41 am

      • I don’ think so. My two experiences were over ten years ago.

        E. Rekshun

        May 14, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    • > The next day I told my churchy secretary about it

      This was a mistake

      ScarletNumber

      May 17, 2017 at 7:52 am

  9. online dating, whether it be on tinder, okcupid or POF is pretty much just looks for men while it doesnt even matter for women. this is mostly due to the gender ratio of online dating users, where therer’s probably like 5 men for every 1 woman.

    and it really doesn’t matter for women at all. there have been so many online dating experiments done (some of them hilariously absurd). one in particular used a female profile picture of a girl with cherubism, a deformity that causes excessive bone growth in the lower jaw. the girl looked like donald duck and despite this the account still recieved a lot more messages than you would have expected. some even from attractive guys. another more infamous one involved a picture of an obese girl with visible body hair and a photoshopped pig nose. while i wouldnt say these profiles recived a flood of messages, they recieved more than any man ever would. even a fake account with a male model display picture wouldnt do as good.

    check out this infamous experiment where some guys made a fake tinder account using a typical sports jock photo and messaged girls with absurd stuff like “i have autism” and “i’m a virgin” and then started to talk to them about cosmetic surgery and other werid stuff. litearlly didnt matter what he said bc he was good looking:

    https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=165905221

    all of the traditional things that people consider key to online dating success really dont matter that much. a “good” profile, high “compatibility” (lol; those matching algorithms are b.s), an “interesting” opening message. they may help in some instances, but just being good looking is really all that’s important for a guy. a lot of the female accounts on online dating are either fake or just sthere to fish for attention/validation as well. its seriously an awful environment for meeting people as a male.

    james n.s.w

    May 14, 2017 at 12:28 am

    • “where therer’s probably like 5 men for every 1 woman.”

      In the lower age ranges, like 20-30, it’s probably more like 10 to 1. And if you just focus on girls who are under 30; childless; not obese; and seriously looking for a relationship, you are probably competing with 40 or 50 other men for each such girl.

      You wouldn’t look for love in an Alaskan village located between an oil refinery and a military base. And yet online dating is about as bad.

      I think the main reason online dating attracts so many men is that most men are scared to death of just walking up to a girl they find attractive and trying to chat her up.

      fortaleza84

      May 14, 2017 at 9:14 am

      • If it’s 10 to 1, where are the women at? They gotta be meeting guys somewhere.

        Jack

        May 14, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      • @ Jack

        In real life. Attractive women have men throwing themselves at them all day.

        ScarletNumber

        May 17, 2017 at 7:54 am

    • Did they *actually* want to meet or was it a joke because we know men will shoot for the stars, the hottest in online dating. But we also know that it’s not hard to put a brown paper bag over a face.

      DaddyFrank

      May 14, 2017 at 10:33 am

      • we also know that it’s not hard to put a brown paper bag over a face.

        Or one over yours in case hers falls off!

        E. Rekshun

        May 14, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      • That’s they used to call a “two-bagger.”

  10. “Women aren’t that unique”

    There, fixed that for you…

    Vinvent

    May 14, 2017 at 1:26 am

  11. And ROFL:

    Man who tricked women into having sex with promise of porn movie stardom pleads guilty

    http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article150166102.html

    Vinvent

    May 14, 2017 at 2:01 am

    • We have very different ideas of what’s funny.

      destructure

      May 14, 2017 at 11:20 am

  12. NYT, 05/1317 – Kristine Miranda and Thomas Ferrugia: From Long Distance to Close Indeed

    …The bride, 33, will be keeping her name. She is a home stylist and personal shopper for West Elm Collection, a high-end line for the furniture store West Elm in New York. She graduated with a degree in interior design from the Philippine School of Interior Design in Manila…

    The groom, 43, is a lawyer and the director of governmental affairs for the Broadway League in New York. He graduated from St. John’s University and received a law degree from Fordham…

    Ms. Miranda and Mr. Ferrugia met online in January 2013. Ms. Miranda, a native of the Philippines, had just returned to Manila from a month’s holiday visit with relatives in Jersey City when she received a message from Mr. Ferrugia on a dating site.

    Mr. Ferrugia didn’t know that Ms. Miranda had changed her online profile while visiting to say that she lived in Jersey City and had forgotten to change it back to Manila before boarding her plane back to the Philippines. When she explained to Mr. Ferrugia what had happened, he took it in stride…They became electronic pen pals, chatting online for six months before they began Skyping each other, by appointment only…

    They stayed in touch for two years, until Ms. Miranda announced that she would indeed be visiting family in New Jersey again — albeit later than she had initially anticipated — in August 2015, to attend the wedding of a sister who lived in Jersey City. By then, Ms. Miranda and Mr. Ferrugia had grown very close. Throughout the course of numerous three-hour conversations, they came to realize that they shared much, including a love of family, science fiction movies, theater, hiking and water sports…

    Shortly after she arrived in Jersey City, Mr. Ferrugia took Ms. Miranda out to dinner there. They weren’t seated very long when “something went boom inside my head,” Ms. Miranda said. “I had this immediate feeling that this was it, and I didn’t want to let go of it.”

    She said of the dinner: “He was everything he seemed to be, and more, in the two years that we had spoken, and now he was no longer the guy I was talking to online, but he was right in front of me. He was so handsome and sweet, I knew immediately that I wanted to be with him.”

    So she decided to stay — forever. “I never went back to Manila,” she said. “I just left my life back there as it was. I had found something in America I couldn’t find at home, and it was something I just couldn’t risk losing.”

    While this new husband is a graduate of a toilet law school, not a military guy, I’ve lived near a couple US military bases and it seems like a good number of US military guys find themselves a Filipena wife when they do a tour through the Philippines. And they’re all quite attractive, pleasant, and feminine.

    E. Rekshun

    May 14, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    • “And they’re all quite attractive, pleasant, and feminine.”

      And tiny. Filipino women are the shortest on the planet, just about.

    • “it seems like a good number of US military guys find themselves a Filipena wife when they do a tour through the Philippines.”

      That’s by design. They’ll do anything to get a green card and bring their whole family over.

      “And they’re all quite attractive, pleasant, and feminine.”

      As you point out, lots of squids marry flips. And the next time they go on tour their little honey wraps their legs around everything on base. They’re bad news. Most asian girls are. Hypergamy on steroids..

      destructure

      May 14, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      • Not sure why Asian woman are getting called out specifically. The nature of most women is that if you’re away for months at a time she will break up with you or cheat on you. By all accounts I’ve ever seen, Asian women are actually relatively safer bets than White/Hispanic/Black women.

        Panther of the Blogocube

        May 14, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    • Fordham is a toilet law school? It’s a pretty well-regarded university.

      Peter

      ironrailsironweights

      May 14, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      • Fordham is in a second tier that includes schools like Boston University and… well other schools like that.

      • Fordham is definitely not a toilet law school.

        Jack

        May 14, 2017 at 10:36 pm

      • I stand corrected.

        E. Rekshun

        May 15, 2017 at 11:21 am

    • He kept in touch with her for two years? Wow, serious oneitis there. She’s cute enough, though I do not condone race mixing with Asians. He looks pretty super gay, really, though it could just be that photo.

      What surprises me is these people seem too low rent to be in a Times wedding announcement. They are certainly not 1-percenters. My guess is the Times just wanted to push the “aren’t immigrant romances wonderful!” and the race-mixing aspect, which they are always pushing. I mean, c’mon, they got married in an RC church in Floral Park? He’s from friggin’ Bellerose? That is NOT NY Times material.

      This is a much more typical Times couple.

      peterike

      May 15, 2017 at 2:27 pm

  13. To update my own comment. I mean c’mon people, they had their wedding registry at MACY’S! How middle class prole can you get. This is a “narrative supporting” wedding for the Times, guaranteed.

    https://www.theknot.com/us/kristine-miranda-and-thomas-ferrugia-may-2017

    peterike

    May 15, 2017 at 2:31 pm


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