Lion of the Blogosphere

How to become famous on Wattpad

After examining this social media and online book publishing site, I have determined that the overwhelming majority of the site’s users are teenage and college-aged women, and what they want to read is what I would call young adult chick lit, which has a clearly defined format of being written in the first person, featuring a girl protagonist who is average at best, and sometimes downright ugly, who gets involved with a “bad boy.” That’s right, that’s the term that’s used, “bad boy,” and apparently the term is so universally understood by this audience that an author can merely write “John was a bad boy,” without any adequate explanation of why he’s bad, and the audience immediately gets it.

It’s actually a condemnation of the entire female sex that this literature is overwhelming popular. Everything that game bloggers like Roissy have said turns out to be true. You can say, “they are only teenagers, they don’t really know what they want,” but I would say it’s the opposite, they are not sophisticated enough to understand that they are supposed to be more woke about things, and instead they go with their raw emotions regarding what sort of guy gives them what Roissy would vulgarly call “gina tingles.”

The reason why it’s on Wattpad is that mainstream publishers are probably too embarrassed to put this sort of stuff in print, and because girls in that age bracket have very little disposable income (not having jobs and being completely reliant on their parents for money), so reading for free is appealing. And they probably lack the technical expertise to grab free (but illegally so) books from Pirate’s Bay or Library Genesis. Compared to this free young adult chick lit crap, The Hunger Games is like Nobel-Prize-winning literature.

I’m not sure how I, as a middle-aged man, can write convincing young adult chick lit. I suppose by studying the most popular books, and then writing something similar, but with better grammar and a better plot, it’s possible. But reading though this crap is difficult. And putting myself into the mind of a teenage girl with “gina tingles” for a bad boy, that’s even harder. Too bad I’m not gay, that would make it easier to imagine.

On the other hand, last night I reread the first two chapters of Piers Anthony’s book The Apprentice Adept, and I found it quite enjoyable despite it’s horrible dialogue, it’s ridiculousness (a planet where the lower classes aren’t allowed to wear clothes, and where the male protagonist is, therefore, turned on by women who are wearing clothes), and in spite of (or perhaps because of) what modern feminist critics would call “misogyny.” (That Piers Anthony books are “misogynist” but chick lit is never called “misandrist,” that’s proof that we live in a gynocracy.)

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

October 31, 2018 at EDT am

54 Responses

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  1. I half thought about trying my hand at doing a competing story to yours to post on Wattpad; young girl turned vampire; but I just didn’t think I could write convincingly as a teenage girl. I can put myself in the place of a lot of different people, but that’s a tough nut to crack.

    Mike Street Station

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • If lion abandons the endeavor maybe you could pick up where he left off.

      toomanymice

      October 31, 2018 at EDT am

      • I’d probably want to start off in my own vampire universe with it’s own rules

        Mike Street Station

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  2. Travis Corcoran published his books using Lulu.com. They’re sort of his take on Heinlein’s The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress. Maybe best self-published books I’ve read.

    Why don’t you try writing something for men, like that?

    Dave Pinsen

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

  3. We used to deal with women’s poor base behavior; so they didn’t end up getting the city burned down. Now we feed it to them as early as their tweens.

    This is your best post in months. Not news at all, nothing new. The crowd goes wild! Bravo! Used up feminists weep.

    Zoltar the of the street crime unit

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • “Women’s poor base behaviour”

      Of course men never read porn.

      Frau Katze

      October 31, 2018 at EDT am

  4. “And putting myself into the mind of a teenage girl with “gina tingles” for a bad boy, that’s even harder.”

    DdR

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • LOL. I just got that cued up to reply.

      Portlander

      October 31, 2018 at EDT am

  5. I figured this out years ago when, riding as a passenger for several hours with a female friend, I tried to entertain myself reading her ‘romance’ novel. I struggled through the banality and obvious female oriented soft-porn of the thing for awhile and finally asked “how do you read this stuff?” Don’t recall her response. Since I’m not a movie guy I’ve let the gals pick the movies and as a result I’ve seen my share of female-oriented dreck. Sweet November (2001) is a standard of the type, hard working good looking provider doesn’t understand the meaning of life until a woman shows him and then she dies. Gawdawful.

    Curle

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • Movies are usually less horrible than the books they may be based on, because they are cleaned up by committee and they try to make them minimally appealing to men so it can be a “date” movie.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • That was a remake. The original Sweet November came out in 1967 and starred Sandy Dennis. It was just as bad.

      sestamibi

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  6. Too bad I’m not gay, that would make it easier to imagine.

    No it wouldn’t. Gay men are still men and they still have male attraction triggers (young, thin, and facially attractive) just to the wrong sex.

    Everything that game bloggers like Roissy have said turns out to be true

    Duh. Game works. It’s asinine to think that humans can learn new languages, advanced mathematics, animal husbandry, but women are just too complex. Once you realize women =/= men, it all gets a lot simpler.

    everybodyhatesscott

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • “Gay men are still men…”

      Aren’t there gay men who are “bottoms” and want to be the submissive member of a relationship with a dominant muscular gay bad boy?

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      October 31, 2018 at EDT am

      • Yes, but they’re still attracted to physical cues more than emotional ones. Straight guys like different body types too. Some like big boobs most, some big butts the most, some like an athletic build the most. Gays are the same. It’s still looks first.

        everybodyhatesscott

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • The standard joke in gay life is, “a thousand bottoms searching for a top.”

        Department 11

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • “The standard joke in gay life is . . .”

        The things you learn reading Lion.

        Curle

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • Lion next time you pass by atlas social club, just pop in and ask around

        driveallnight

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  7. What people enjoy reading about does not necessarily represent what they want in real life. I absolutely love reading survival stories but I have no desire to be lost at sea or subsisting on melted snow.

    All romance is unrealistic and cheesy anyway. I had the unfortunate experience of watching soap operas over my grandmother’s shoulder and what I saw in no way represents any kind of real world relationship.

    toomanymice

    October 31, 2018 at EDT am

    • What porn do you watch? Those are the women you are attracted to. (I’m assuming you are a man)

      These aren’t survival novels, they’re female porn.

      everybodyhatesscott

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • lion the great comment moderator strikes again.

        toomanymice

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • I am not a man and I don’t watch porn. I agree with what toomanymice says: what people enjoy reading about doesn’t necessarily represent what they want in real life.

        Very few women want a “bad boy”. They want a good man who will be a good father and a good provider.

        Rosenmop

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  8. As a practical man, shouldn’t you be trying to write something that will make money? You’re going at this clinically anyway, so why study how to appeal to moneyless high school girls you’ll never fuck instead of the mass market that actually is out there for stories of adventure, vampires, the supernatural, etc. Piers Anthony and Suzanne Collins make money at this, you find their stuff more readable anyway.

    Richard

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • Yes, the only point for fame is money and more importantly girls. Don’t need fame for either one of those. Lion could read Heartiste archives before the antisemitism and find a nice early 30’s Jewish gal to have lion cubs with. Personally, I don’t care if she’s Jewish but Yakov and Gothamette might kill him if she isn’t

      everybodyhatesscott

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • There was a Netflix movie and a Hulu TV series based on these dumb YA Wattapad novels, so there are practical money-making benefits to being famous in this genre (amateur YA fiction), plus it looks easier to hack your way to the top. I have a certain amount of social media savvy.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

      • “plus it looks easier to hack your way to the top.“

        Is this why you have 5 reasonably attractive female blogger likes on this post?

        Will your pen name be Abigail?

        Curles

        November 2, 2018 at EDT am

  9. Lion says we live in a gynocracy. Sailer’s never even used the term. Who’s the woman-hater now, Gothamette?

    Stop the Hate

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • Sailer has some trad-con readers who he doesn’t want to alienate, given the income stream they bring. He doesn’t want to alienate them.

      Tanturn

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  10. I’ve got your story line for you. Mindy is just hanging on as a member of the high school golf team, playing #6 but liable to losing her spot at any time. Then, she comes to the notice of Achmed, a syrian refugee with the biggest d*** in porn, who when he’s not on set is a notorious “range rat,”banging balls at the range and eventually discvering “Hogan’s Secret.” Suddenly, Mindy’s game soars and she becomes #1, but jealous rival coaches spread a rumor it’s because of all the d*** she’s getting as an underage porn actress. Avennati and Gloria Allred get into a wrestling match trying to represent the girl over the outrageous slander, but a heretofore obscure blogger advises her to “own the insult.” Mindy goes on to defeat Tiger Woods in a $100 million match, and becomes a billionaire after trademarking the slogan, “it’s not about the c***. Ahmed, the golf genius who uncovered Hogan’s Secret, dies penniless surrounded by piles of The Weekly Standard …

    Marty

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  11. How about you write a story where the “bad boy” is a tough guy self-insert of yourself, who shares your political views, but only reveals them slowly over the course of the book.

    Alex2

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  12. Lion, Why isn’t the President bringing moms hurt by immigration to his rallies? In 2016 the angel moms helped him a lot
    This mom had her Daughter raped my immigrants and then after the rape ground up as
    kebab meat I am sure the mom would share her story https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7616973/mum-missing-girl-cut-up-kebab-cops-ditched-search-working-class/a@

    artbysarahhessarvin

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • I don’t know why Trump isn’t doing that. Maybe it’s because it was a Steve Bannon strategy, and Steve Bannon is no longer with him.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • That happened in the UK. The elites in the UK don’t care about it because the girl was a prole. The UK is disgustingly class-ist. I’m so thankful my grandparents moved away from there.

      Rosenmop

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  13. Interesting that the girls in the stories are average or ugly because this reflects what I see in real life. I work with and interact with tons of people each day including many young couples. What I see might surprise many of the readers here because it goes against the conventional wisdom, it was surprising to me at first. The pretty girls, the ones who can have any guy they want, do not pick bad boys. I’m sure a few individual ones do but I am talking about the general pattern. The pretty girls pick clean cut guys…like a clean cut high school quarterback hero type or they pick pretty boy types who look like they could be in boy bands…they are soft and kind of feminine with no bad boy appeal at all. I would go as far as saying a lot of the pretty girls hate bad boys. I saw this fully tattooed and pierced bad boy try to chat up two pretty girls…they basically ignored him and when he walked away one of the girls said to the other “eww he’s so gross”.

    Average and ugly young women do however flock to bad boys. I find bad boy/ugly girl couples fascinating. Here the guy works so hard to cultivate a bad boy persona and his reward is some fugly girl. Also many of the girls who go for bad boys are bad themselves and rough around the edges.

    Jay Fink

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • Females above all are attracted to status. And the clean-cut high school quarterback has status in spades. Fugly girls know that they have no chance with the quarterback but not so with the bad boy.

      Bryan Bell (@bjwbell)

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  14. >>And putting myself into the mind of a teenage girl ….

    I have heard it said about the mind of the teenage girl, “there is no there, there…”

    Daniel Heneghan

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  15. Why not make her a chubby fat-positive vampire? She loves gorging herself on blood, making her swell up like a tick. You could go dream fullfillment and have the book feature a store where they sell flattering clothes in XXXXXXXXXXL.

    Spoons

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

    • …then she writes a best selling self help book, “My Vampire, myself,” and becomes the leader of the “Phatpire” movement, encouraging chubby women to seek fulfillment by becoming fat vampires.

      Mike Street Station

      October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  16. Where you’re wrong is you’re assuming that your audience wants better written works. WRONG. What they want are works that express their ideas at the level of the audience. That means shittily written works. Look at the major successes in this field: Twilight, 50 Shades, Hunger Games. All of them are shockingly bad. Hunger Games doesnt even maintain a consistent tense.

    Panther of the Blogocube

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  17. And young teenage men like schlocky comic books and manga where oftentimes the young loser protagonist ends up with a hot chick and saving the day.

    Wish-fulfillment is a genre of it’s own, both men and women are susceptible to it.

    Kaz

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  18. Girl with big rack shoots big rifle. It obviously was way more than she expected, but she’s willing to laugh it off. Not that she’ll ever shoot that beast again.

    Peter

    ironrailsironweights

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  19. OT: Roseanne-without-Roseanne finishes in last place in its timeslot, on verge of cancellation.

    https://www.showbiz411.com/2018/10/31/ratings-the-conners-beaten-by-everything-drops-in-total-viewers-and-demo-as-abc-orders-only-1-more-episode

    snorlax

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  20. > without any adequate explanation of why he’s bad, and the audience immediately gets it.

    Well I don’t get it. What do they mean? It might be perfectly admirable from my perspective. You’ve not explained at all what they mean by “bad boy.” In the context of the current crop of 16 year olds it might mean “not a male feminist.”

    bobbybobbob

    October 31, 2018 at EDT pm

  21. I think if you read these things, you quickly realize that “bad boy” doesn’t mean being a bad guy to them. He’s attractive, unattainable, and a flouter of society’s rules. All the other women want him, but he is steadfastly devoted to our heroine, despite the many temptations thrown in his path. She, on the other hand, is often tempted by other options, but is wooed by his devotion and prowess (in whatever field).

    But the “bad boy” doesn’t hit her, cheat on her, call her ugly, or laugh at her with his friends, like he would do in real life. For some reason, he will often “kidnap” her, usually for her own safety, and it is used to illustrate even more strongly his devotion to the heroine.

    D

    November 1, 2018 at EDT am

    • I don’t know about that. “Enemies to lovers” is a recognized trope in this genre. There are more than 15,000 stories with that classification at ArchiveOfOurOwn alone, and popular groupings at other sites. As one girl puts it:

      “Friends to lovers is the classic romance slow burn, and — don’t get me wrong — I love that too. But there’s something about two people who start off hating each other, or otherwise pitted against each other, and who wind up falling in love that just gets to me. The breaking down of each other’s walls, the discovery that they really do have more in common, the reluctant acceptance that they actually like each other — swoon! It gets me every time.”

      https://rivetedlit.com/2018/03/15/enemies-lovers-young-adult-romances/
      https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Enemies%20to%20Lovers/works
      https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/73396.Best_enemies_to_lovers
      https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/enemies-to-lovers

      Richard

      November 1, 2018 at EDT pm

      • Yes. This illustrates what I’m talking about. He might be a “bad boy” because he’s her “enemy.” Usually they are of different tribes (Romeo/Juliet) or even different species (Underworld). But while he might be adept at killing some distant members of her folk, he usually won’t kill or harm her close relatives, and he won’t harm her. Oftentimes she will hate him because of a social slight (Pride and Prejudice), but in all cases he redeems himself by showing love and true devotion, to his own detriment, and often at great cost.

        D

        November 1, 2018 at EDT pm

      • You’re underestimating the friction that some women enjoy. Despite what you said, being a bad guy to them is definitely part of the appeal. One of the bloggers who liked Lion’s post is a book reviewer, and had this to say about Holly Black’s novel “The Cruel Prince”:

        “At school, Jude and her sister Taryn are constantly being bullied, and the biggest bully of them all is Cardan. He is the prince, the last son of the king, and he is so evil and self-assured. *gasps* And I love him!

        While Taryn is calm and tries to avoid trouble, Jude is restless and keeps talking back to Cardan. She won’t let him win, and she won’t let him humiliate her. And that brings her a hell of a trouble.
        And one day, she had enough. She decides to be even more fierceless and brutal, because that is the only way of survival…

        I love Jude, with all my heart. I loved her bravery and the way she never gives up, and keeps going for what she wants, even if people think she is being silly. I strongly agree with Jude – we should all strive towards our goals, no matter how difficult or ridiculous they may seem.

        I also love Cardan. He is not a mean person,even though he is really cruel, but the background story is so harsh, and the reasons behind it are so strong. I could understand where he came from, but I am not in any way encouraging his bullying. I think that’s not acceptable under any circumstances. He was amazingly described, and there is the fight between good and evil going inside him.

        The love and hate between Jude and Cardan is something you need to read about.”

        According to Goodreads, The Cruel Prince is the most popular YA novel of 2018.
        https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/74439.YA_Novels_of_2018

        Richard

        November 2, 2018 at EDT am

      • “He is not a mean person,even though he is really cruel,”

        Sounds like a long oxymoron.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        November 2, 2018 at EDT pm

  22. “Everything that game bloggers like Roissy have said turns out to be true.” -The Lion

    Yup. It’s time you discover the #redpill, Lion!

    rivelino

    November 3, 2018 at EDT pm

  23. I don’t fit in the general demographic of wattpad then. YAY

    cocowordcraft

    November 12, 2018 at EDT am

  24. It’s true and sad, but we Wattpad User love this Bad boy story. And I have even written a book about it once. But this month I am trying something new, out of the unusual.

    graciellamk

    November 18, 2018 at EDT pm


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