Lion of the Blogosphere

Bird Box

This movie somehow makes you want to keep watching, even though everyone in the movie acts stupid and you know the ending is going to suck.

The real science fiction aspect of this movie is that Sandra Bullock is accidentally pregnant at the age of 54. (Although she can pass for 44 thanks presumably to plastic surgery. But still, why not get an actress 25 years younger if you want to have a character who is accidentally pregnant?)

Written by Lion of the Blogosphere

January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

Posted in Movies

18 Responses

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  1. But still, why not get an actress 25 years younger if you want to have a character who is accidentally pregnant?)

    Lion, you’re missing the point. They picked a geriatric on purpose. 95lb women can beat up 240lb marines and 54 year old women have 0 fertility issues.

    everybodyhatesscott

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

    • According to the internet, Sandra Bullock weighs as little as 110 pounds or as much as 123 pounds.

      Lion of the Blogosphere

      January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

  2. The movie was OK. Observations: 1) John Malkovitch is just another old white man now, and, though he’s not gay, he’s as gay as ever in his characterizations. 2) The reason for the movie’s great appeal; the visuals of blindfolded, vulnerable toddlers in perilous circumstances. They are endearing. They bring out the sympathy in the viewer, unlike typical slasher fare, which portray misbehaving teens as the victims.

    Daniel Heneghan

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

  3. Poor malkovich. He was mostly right all along and people just kept doing dicey things that got them dead.

    The Old Libertarian

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

  4. Half in the Bag Episode 157: Bird Box

    MEH 0910

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

  5. Lion do you believe the apocalyptic monster/phenomenon was symbolic of some fear or dread people have today, as most 50s sci fi movie monsters were symbols of communism or nuclear war?

    There are reasonable arguments online that it is a symbol for smartphones or social media, and dumb arguments that it is supposed to be racism.

    Paul Rise

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

    • If you want an apocalyptic monster/phenomenon symbolic of some fear or dread like smartphones, check out the movie “Cell,” based on a Stephen King book or story.

      Mike Street Station

      January 13, 2019 at EDT am

  6. RobertFrank615 expresses his views on Bird Box. Note:if you are puzzled by the Trenbaloney Sandwich, please be aware that Trenbalone is a common type of steroid.

    Peter

    ironrailsironweights

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

  7. Anybody wanna tell him about the obvious Leftist propaganda in it? Where all the white men depicted in the movie are evil and all the women, people of color are wise and sympathetic and strong.

    Or is this so common now that we don’t even have to talk about it? Yes, I know I’m out of touch and a bigot and not with the program.

    Doyle

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

    • MEH 0910

      January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

      • Ok fine…state enforced mulatto babies for all. Then white people will finally be gone and will no longer be giving daily beatings to black kids in the streets. Wakanda finally established. Twerking is internationally recognized as the official dance.

        Doyle

        January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

      • OTOH, the n-words at The Root see racism everywhere.

        MEH 0910

        January 10, 2019 at EDT pm

    • I haven’t watched Bird Box, but if that’s true, it’s disappointing Lion didn’t notice or remark on it.

      Hermes

      January 10, 2019 at EDT am

      • The gumpy old white man, played by John Malkovich, was right about everything. But all the women and people of color were too stupid to listen.

        Lion of the Blogosphere

        January 10, 2019 at EDT am

      • “The gumpy old white man, played by John Malkovich, was right about everything. But all the women and people of color were too stupid to listen.”

        More than a little on the nose in reference to our current immigration situation.

        Mike Street Station

        January 13, 2019 at EDT am

  8. There is even a Star Trek TOS episode, “Is There in Truth No Beauty?,” with the same premise, a creature which, when seen by the human eye, causes the person seeing it to go insane and die! Unfortunately, it’s in Season 3, so it will be a while before Lion reviews it.

    Hermes

    January 9, 2019 at EDT pm

    • Cthulhu, duh.

      But nobody can reference Lovecraft anymore cuz he was raciss.

      bobbybobbob

      January 10, 2019 at EDT am

  9. This post must have disappeared down the memory hole but I thought I’d like to comment because I just saw the film on Netflix. Do they actually sit round a table and decide what points to give to each character? Here is my take:
    Buttkicking babe – Sandra Bullock
    Rigid, drunk and conservative white guy – John Malkovich
    Magic negro – Tom
    Nerdy black guy who sacrifices his life for the benefit of others – Charlie the supermarket guy
    Smart, gay Asian guy who has a ‘husband’ (this one takes the cake)
    Buttkicking babe #2 – the Latina cop
    Dumb tattooed white guy
    Naive, fat pregnant white woman
    Sweet old and woke white woman, but a little crazy
    Brown skinned doctor with an Indian accent who is mysteriously named Lapham
    Gary the crazy white guy
    + a few other crazy white people

    SD

    January 17, 2019 at EDT pm


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